The Ballad of Lucy + Ted

[Verse 1]
Twilight on a Brooklyn night
Twilight on a Brooklyn night
The zoo was closed, it was after five
Lucy and Teddy were still alive

[Verse 2]
Three young boys snuck into the zoo
They intended going swimming in the polar bear pool
Little Juan Perez squirmed through the fence
At eleven years old she shoulda had more sense

[Verse 3]
Lucy and Ted were asleep in their lair
Lucy woke and said, "Ted, I hear something out there"
Ted saw Juan swimming 'cross the moat
He pullеd him out, dragged him back in the lair
Juan's two friends got thе heck outta there, yeah

[Verse 4]
Screams rang through the Brooklyn Zoo
Screams rang through the Brooklyn night
When the cops got there, they saw quite a sight
Juan had dwindled to just a few bites

[Verse 5]
Twenty shotgun blasts killed Ted and Lucy dead
They called the doctor, they called the vet
They cut 'em open under bright floodlights
The vet said there ain't no bodies inside

[Verse 6]
Lucy was thirty-three, Ted, he was thirty-two
Two happy healthy polar bears living in the Brooklyn Zoo

[Verse 7]
Now boys will be boys and polar bears, they will be bears
And Juan wouldn't have got et if he hadn't gone in there
And some may scream and some may swear
But I am on the side of the polar bears, yeah

[Outro]
And some may scream and some may swear
But I am on the side of those poor polar bears