The Adventures of Mr. Long

Mr. Long is a man unique in his kind
He's a Chinese superhero in his own mind
He thinks he's a sex god, he rarely has a date
Mr. Long is a man traumatized by fate
His first name is Hung, with the last name Long
I heard it, Hung Long, that may have to be a song
Please forgive me I ramble and I sound like a liar
I'm just killing time while my clothes are in the drier
People greet him nicely then they bite their tongue
'Cause they all say the same thing, "So, how are ya, Hung?"
Well, maybe they'll open their eyes
And see Long is a man who needs to be lobotomizd
Horny as hell and I know what's up
He loves to play games, I guess he never grew up
Red Rover, Red Rover, nobody will bend over
So he plays another game called The Hunt For Miss October
Competitive at this, no contest, he'll win it
He should try out for a spot on the One Arm Olympics
If you wanna be like Long, for a game you're yearnin'
Just drop your pants and do the Pee Wee Herman

[Chorus]
Find a wife, get a life, do something
You're just wasting away, what more can I say
You're gettin' all excited over nothing

He's been dissed since the day he was born, it's a fact
His mother told the doctor "He's not done, put him back"
He got picked on by his girlfriend, wouldn't play the game
I guess he didn't live up to his name
Hung Long has pick-up lines, he made up a few you bet
But a slap in the face is all he manages to get
He told a girl she's the boss and he's applying for a bit
And did she have any openings that he could fit
He thinks he's Superman, it's gone to his head
He's faster than a speeding bullet when he's in bed
One girl almost married him, that's a fact
But when a gay lover sued, that was the end of that
Nowadays it's still not real in his brain
He has dreams of condoms breakin' from the strain
He had a blind date once, but his plans were spoiled
He thought she's look like Bo Derek, she turned out like Olive Oyl
So he doesn't do that anymore
He just makes his weekly trip to the corner store
Doesn't worry about back talk or worry about a scuffle
He's perfectly safe doin' the old Knuckle Shuffle

[Chorus]