Flatulent Baby

{*a parody of LL Cool J's song "Jinglin' Baby"*}

I call you every day, we go out every night
I hope we'll be together for the rest of our lives
People spread gossip, just jealous I guess
Because the smell that you give off makes 'em choke to death
You eat baked beans and you've never been full
But you pour 'em down your mouth by the bucket full
Check out the way the bed sheets rise and fall
The strong gasses make cracks in the wall
I didn't hear it but I smell it please turn on the fan
And before you leave please flush the can
Odorous emissions are the iceberg's tip
If you feel it buildin' up then just let it rip
But then oh no, I'll get the gas mask
I tried to fumigate but it's an impossible task
I've gotten used to it in fact I kinda like it when it's done
Now, go ahead and cut another one

[Chorus]
I'm flatulent baby
Go ahead baby

You rip 'em and cut 'em like you're only made of gas
A crowded movie theatre will empty out fast
Taxi driver didn't let you get very far
Took a little whiff, get out my car!
I'm accostomed, but the rest of you
If the aroma's too much then I'll tell you what to do
Stand back, get as far away as you can
Or you'll be hit with a smell that can level the land
Baby's got back with a serious attack
That affects me just like an aphrodesiac
It's real bad, you'd better check your dirty drawers
And the sound mistaken for a herd of wild boars
I don't mind that my eyes are bloodshot
I'm prepared, so give it all you got
Forget other body functions, this one's a trip
Yo baby, bend over and let it rip

[Chorus]

When you first walked in you were beautiful no doubt
But that smell that came with you nearly knocked me out
I tried to hold my breatch, I nearly choked to death
Strugglin' for air, I had to call the EMS
How you gonna stay alive while you're inside and elevator
I can't believe it, the gasses can't be fumigated
We go swimmin', I'm in a lot of trouble
It could be a hot tub cause there's so many bubbles
You go have fun I'm taking a vacation
Cause you've got the ultimate in constipation
Girl yo, I love you but you smell bad
And it drives me nuts
Knockin' over houses while the owners run
Man watchin' you fart is my main source of fun
I've gotten used to it in fact I kinda like it when it's done
Now, go ahead and cut another one

[Chorus]

I can't believe you tried to breathe the same air as me
The fumes'll put a strain on your olfactory
Bad breath and body odor is what you're about
Every hole in your body has a stench coming out
I hold my nose when you approach I suppose
That you ruined your clothes and can't breathe through your nose
Hold it in, you can't but you tried
I can't help if you smell like somebody died
People avoid you like you had the plague
My brother took a deep breath, that was a big mistake
Barnum wanted you as a side show freak
I'm gonna give you a cork to plug up the gas leak
You know I love you baby and you know I don't care
That you constantly smell like you burn your hair
When you pass by and you pass your end
They say that limburger woman walked by again
So take a step back give me some room to breathe
You smell as if you got some kind of fatal disease
Other men said they loved you but the smell made them liars
Now go ahead and fart all your little heart desires

[Chorus]