Ten Toes Down

[Verse]
Growing up, I never thought that it would bother me
That I didn't have a father, I figured he'd probably call
When he did, he just offered an apology
And said he comin' home you didn't have to lie to me
I was just thinking hopefully
For seven years, man, you never even spoke to me
I was nine, what the fuck was I supposed to think?
That's probably why I don't let anyone get close to me
'Cause they can up and leave with no answers
Fuck a slow dance and fuck romances
This cold hard cash, the only thing I hold hands with
But you are the reason I believe in my purpose
I had to make moves to prove to myself that I deserve this
Lookin' in the mirror like ain't nobody perfect
But when your own dad don't want you, it's easy to feel worthless
All I gotta say is thank God for my momma
If it wasn't for that woman, if it wasn't for that
Women I'd be caught up in the drama with my stepdad
Still wish I knocked his fuckin' head back, man, I swear, this shit gets bad
I was 14 on my knees, looking under the sink
Picked up a bottle of bleach and nearly took a drink
I ain't know what I was doing, I just knew that I was scared
I was calling out to God but he ain't never there
And ain't nobody care, fuck it, why should I?
I should die close my eyes and see my momma cry
No, I can't do this to her
Around the same time, I started making music for her
So please believe me when I say it gets better
I know you fed up but you gotta keep your head up
They beat you down, don't let 'em
And don't you ever settle cause it ain't gon' be like this forever
And I don't know if I could of took it much longer than that
But God only gave me that 'cause I was stronger than that
Yeah, I've always been a soldier, thank my momma for that
And you gon' be alright too dog I promise you that
But I ain't no reverent and this is no lecture
I just know what it's like to be living under pressure
Living with depression not knowing which direction to go
Man, you just gotta trust your soul
I know what it's like to be living in society
Everything you try to be is blocked by anxiety
Everybody tellin' you this shit is illogical, improbable
Fuck 'em, show 'em that it's possible
Like who the fuck you talkin' to? Broke through every obstacle
Had to do everything that they told us not to do
Look you in control of what happens next you
In control of your happiness, don't forget