Sunday Paper

[Yawning]
“Geez, oh man, smell that morning air…ahh…”
“Ah, time for the paper!”
“Ey…hey where’s my paper…?”
“Aw man… every week!!!”
(Click!)

I'm gonna kill my neighbor
Cause he stole my Sunday paper
I'm gonna kill my neighbor
Cause he stole my Sunday paper
The same thing happens every week
I get so mad I can hardly speak
I want my daily horoscope
I'm gonna kill my neighbor
And then I'm gonna burn his house down
To the ground

I wish I had a quarter
For every time I reached the border
And almost killed my stupid neighbor
Over a stolen Sunday paper
He even let his mangy cat
Do something nasty on my welcome mat
I wish I had a baseball glove
So I could kill my next door neighbor
And take his bowling trophies
And pawn them off

If only I were ten feet tall
I'd smoosh him up into a ball
And then I'd roll him down the stairs
But I am only four foot six

So I wanna kill my neighbor
So I can read my Sunday paper
But I guess I'm kinda helpless
Like the later-years Elvis
There'll be no letting of blood today
I'll ring his doorbell and run away
And laugh at him from my front porch
And forget about my paper
Cause after all, I don't know how to read