Sister Josephine

Oh, Sister Josephine
What do all these policemen mean
By coming to the convent in a grim limousine
After Sister Josephine?
While you, Sister Josephine
You sit with your boots up on the altar screen
You smoke one last cigar
What a funny nun you are!

The policemen say that Josephine's a burglar in disguise
Big bad Norman - fifteen years on the run
The sisters disbelieve it: No, that can't be Josephine;
Just think about her tenderness towards the younger nuns

Oh, Sister Josephine
They're searching the chapel where you've been seen
The nooks and the crannies of the nun's canteen
After Sister Josephine
While you, Sister Josephine
You sip one farewell Benedictine
Before your au revoir
A right funny nun you are!

Admittedly her hands are big and hairy
And embellished with a curious tattoo
Admittedly her voice is on the deep side
And she seems to shave more often than the other sisters do

Oh, Sister Josephine
Founder of the convent pontoon team
They're looking through your bundles of rare magazines
After Sister Josephine
While you, Sister Josephine
You give a goodbye sniff of benzedrine
To the convent budgerigar
A bloody funny nun you are!

No longer will her snores ring through the chapel during prayers
Nor her lustful moanings fill the stilly night
No more empty bottles of altar wine come clunking from her cell
No longer will the cloister toilet seat stand upright

Oh, Sister Josephine
Slipping through their fingers like Vaseline
Leaving them to clutch your empty crinoline
After Sister Josephine
While you, Sister Josephine
Sprinting through the suburbs when last seen
Dressed only in your wimple and your rosary
A right funny nun you seem to be!