Shelbourne Shetland Pony

[Verse 1]
I was lookin' for a dog to run on the track
Found an oul greyhound with a number on his back
So I bought him from a skanger out in Ballybrack
And got change from a tenner

Now the problem begin when he hadn't many wins
In fact he had none at all
Had him seen by a vet
Who said, "I regret
You're dog's a Shetland pony!"

[Chorus 1]
Speedy Jack the Shetland pony
The nag from Ballybrack
If you want a hot tip, missus
Jack's not the one to back

[Verse 2]
I said for the craic, "Will you put him on the track?"
Expecting nothing at all
When the hare did run he clocked twenty one
The pony's a cannonball

Well it transpired and I heard he retired
When thе judges smelled a phony
Thеy said [?] I owned a Shetland Pony

[Chorus 2]
Speedy Jack the Shetland pony
He's beatin' round the bend
He's got twin exhaust pipes
Stickin' out of his rear end

[Outro]
Now, Jack this is the big day
Keep the head down, don't swish the tail
Keep a low profile
That means straight into the horse box after the race
Don't forget: I got a hundred to one on ya

The hare's running at Shelbourne Park
And the trap's open it's trap one who rounds well
Two takes a bump from trap three and five
It's the odd numbers that happen to go round the first bend
It's three from five and one and four and six making ground
But it's three who got the flyer from the traps
And trap six who's coming with a stormer
Looks a bit overweight to me but it's six who's getting up
And three getting up towards the line and six and three
Three and six, six gets it for my money
Trap number six, that's it Shelbourne Shetland pony the winner
What do you mean, stewards enquiry?
Why is he not allowed with a jockey?

Ah I don't know what it was, Jack
How did they know?
Was it because you had a nosebag?
Could it have been the saddle?
Or them big yellow teeth of yours?
Or the fact that you jumped the greyhounds when you were going around?
Ah well don't worry, Jack
Bray seafront, pony rides, we'll clean up
Loads of tourists
We'll go seventy thirty, Jack. What'd ya say? (Pony neighs)
All right fifty fifty and all the carrots you can eat
All right, let's go

What do you mean I can't take him on the DART?
It's me guide dog, I'm tryin' to get him to Bray ya know
Anyone for the last few pony rides now?
Why's it always rain in Bray?