Origin of Species

[Verse 1]
Congregation, settle in your seats
The Reverend Front Aloud is on the mic and about to speak
I’m about to freak you out, make you shiver in the pew
While I’m delivering to you my sermon and divinity ensues
Brought by the one true God. It’s a fact:
Anybody else who ever had a God, their God’s wack
We ain’t got to worry about ‘em; we picked the right horse
You’re in the right house of worship (of course)
And forces are gathering out in the world
To diminish our faith in ways radical and thorough
To discourage us from loving anything that’s immaterial
To tempt our children with ever fruitier cereal
And worst of all, to call us idiots while they do it
My congregation, listen; I’m about to walk you through it
We’re going to take the nation back from the heathens that’s within it
We’re gonna get the most egregious of the atheists imprisoned
Cause a schism while we’re at it, but emerge on top
And once we’ve purified our ranks we won’t stop —
We’ll purify your minds of what’s illegitimately thought
It’s not to be a battle indiscriminately fought
But an orchestrated effort, and I’m gonna need you to commit
Might take a couple generations for this deviltry to quit
Start with the kids — in fact, they get distracted from the Lord —
So I’d like you to write a couple letters to your school board

[Hook]
Do you, do you really believe
That we were nothing but them monkeys swinging up in the trees?
Don’t it seem a little likelier that Adam and Eve
Did a lot of humping, and that was the origin of the species?

[Verse 2]
And what has this so-called science ever done for us
But trumpeted that when ashes go to ashes & dust to dust
Despite the fuss of living, energy gets conserved
Denying the weight of the soul of a man: this is ill deserved
This is still the curse of Copernicus that we suffer
Secular thought ought not to overflow its buffer
And run roughshod through the minds of you, the population
Heretics such as Dawkins and Sagan overstep their station
To say that what we see and what we believe should be confluent
Look to your Reverend to end apostasy — that’s what I’m doing!
Look to your Holy Book to light the way; that is its purpose
Open it up and you’ll find Eden ‘fore you even scratch the surface
And sure, this should be mirrored in the textbooks verbatim
But I’m not in a position yet to issue ultimatum
So I lay down my scheme: we’ll make it seem as though creation
Isn’t anything we’d like to interject to education
We’ll wrangle up the language: science, data, theorem
The irreducible complexity of the ears we use to hear ‘em
Gnashing teeth and wailing from Kansas to PA
Yes, my flock, I talk of futures not imminent but underway
Already established an Institute for Discovery
Discovered that Darwin is dead with outlook grim for recovery
Schoolmarms will soon say that he burns in a fiery sea
Think how much like paradise that’s gonna be

[Hook]
Do you, do you really believe
That we were nothing but them monkeys swinging up in the trees?
Don't it seem a little likelier that Adam and Eve
Did a lot of humping, and that was the origin of the species?