Bizarro Genius Baby

[Verse 1]
I had a dream that I fathered a bizarro genius baby
She’s out the womb like, dude why’d I get expatriated
Debated at one month the finer points of a diaper
Devised a device composed of a hose and a windshield wiper
Grew riper in intellect as the months passed
Wore a dunce cap ironically
Got fussy once and she summoned me not sonically
But through a series of editorials that she authored
Entitled Is MC Frontalot One Of The Worst Fathers
Oxford, Stanford, Harvard called, she didn’t call them back
Tuition and housing, I’m holding out for a tenure track
Distracted by her first birthday party, I hardly noticed
She’d brought peace to the middle east or at least a cease-fire with the POTUS
And no dust had settled when she disproved Fermat
By finding A^3 + B^3 that = C^3 and her sadness
At throwing the field into disarray got assuaged
By a brand new rattle and a mint parfait

[Hook]
Bizarro genius baby at first I was elated, but eventually I grew concerned
Bizarro genius baby you prove my genes are Grade A, but what of when tables turn

[Verse 2]
She had to settle for the Fields Medal but didn’t settle well
All the while cursing the indiscretions of Madame Nobel
And so well tuckered out was she at this point that she napped
Arose with a whole symphony composed in Bb
See dad, yes dear, it’ll go with the other ones on the fridge
In between the two Puccinis you translated & abridged
Just above I love you dad in macaroni/glitter
And the thirty seven villanelles to mom, but I ain’t bitter
And no quitter was she neither when the time it came to walk
Built an exoskeleton out of gelatin and chalk
Which allowed her to run thirty miles an hour ‘round the yard
You think that parenting your normal little children is hard
I got scarred, scared, scampered at by holographic artifacts
That she projected on the scene with a machine that automatically
Discerns your worst concerns & makes them visible
She deemed it risible. Her glee was indivisible
From all emanations that the baby would make
I had to become less hilarious for all of our sakes
I made mistakes, I’ll admit it. Dropped the kid on her head
Destroyed the part of her that thought of evil. Or so she said!
Now I bred this thing out myself in part —
She quoted reap what you sow I had to take it to heart
I sought to restart, I said girl you’ll be a woman
Can’t be dabbling and dilettantin’ all the time, I’m assuming
Got to pick a theme and focus the beam of your brain power
Her face became overcome with an insane glower
And then it remained sour. She said oh, I have
Though the UI that you gave me was buggy I finally found me the nav
And I’m dialing in a career path I think you’ll like
Began when I played with an 808 and it ends with a mic
I didn’t need her to elaborate at all
She was already wearing the glasses, mic in the palm
She planned to become a nerdcore rapper just like me
So I shipped her to Singapore, sold her baby ass to Nike