My Mom is a Statistician

[SAM]
My mom is a statistician
And she sees statistics everywhere

[BEVERLY]
Two to one, you'll hit a red light
Fifty to one, you hit a bear

[SAM]
She sees the world as a high risk game
Gambling with a fancy name
Trying to cheat death and stay alive
This is the way she taught me how to drive
Observe

[BEVERLY, spoken]
Say a car is traveling down the road at a constant velocity of 57 miles per hour and a pedestrian is crossing the road at 2.5 miles per hour, if the driver sees the pedestrian from a distance of a 132 feet and brakes, decelerating at a rate of 11.1 miles per hour per second, will the car hit the pedestrian, if so, when?

[SAM, spoken]
The answer obviously is yes. In two seconds. Physics is easy. Just plug the right numbers into the equation. Driving is real

[BEVERLY, spoken]
Are you ready to drive?

[SAM, spoken]
Are you ready for me to drive?

[BEVERLY]
Sure, I've had a good life
Slow down, Sam
You're growing up too fast
When it's time to go
I will let you know
I'll tell you when, Sam
Until then, Sam, let's just take things slow
SLOW DOWN, SAM, JESUS!
Do you know how many people die in car wrecks every year?

[SAM]
Yes, I do

[BEVERLY]
You don't

[SAM]
I do!

[SAM & BEVERLY]
41,000 people every year

[SAM]
I know

[BEVERLY]
That's a hundred people a day

[SAM]
Mom!

[BEVERLY]
Sam, you'll be a dead man

[SAM]
Woman

[BEVERLY]
Children under twenty shouldn't be allowed to drive
You can't trust your frontal cortex if you wanna stay alive
You grip on tighter when you steer
And overcompensate with fear
Or you will die tomorrow in the middle of the night
You crash and skid into a ditch
And no one will be able to find your mangled, dead, corpse

[SAM, spoken]
Yep, that's the mother I know and love

[BEVERLY]
Ooh