My Fair Laddy medley

(ADEQUATE)
LISA:
Willie, I hope I'm not being too personal, but you seem resigned to a life of abject squalor
Groundskeeper Willie:
Ma fam'ly's used to it. Me granfather used to get sent down into th' mines to make sure it was safe fer th' canaries
Lisa:
Don't you ever hope for anything better?
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Sumthin' better? For Willie?
All I want
Is a place sumwhere
(pause)
LISA:
Annnnnd?
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
That's it
Bart:
Maybe you could aim a little higher
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Well, let's see
Oh, to have me shack rebilt
Git my rotten teeth all drilt
Sumthing on underneath me kilt
Oh, wouldn't it be adequate?
Matching shoes for both me feet
Dining on untainted meat
A toilet what still has its seat
HOMER:
Oh, wouldn't it be adequate?
LISA & BART :
Adequate, adequate
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Oh, wouldn't it be adequate?
Hmm, yer right, Lisa. I do want ta better me lot. To live like a normal li-
BART:
Heeeeey, that's great, good night

(NOT ON MY CLOTHES)

LISA:
(sighs) All right, let's just try one more lesson. Repeat after me: "What flows from the nose does not go on the clothes."
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
"Wot flohs frum me nose..." Dah! Is no use! Ahm not viry cultured! Ah don't even have a last name!
Bart:
Care to concede that bet?
LISA:
No. Come on, Willie! I believe in you!
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
What flows from the nose does not go on my clothes
LISA:
Say it again!
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
What flows from the nose
Does not go on my clothes!
LISA:
I think he's got it!
Oh yes, he's got it!
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
What flows from the nose
Does not go on my clothes!
LISA:
Where is that ghastly flow?
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
The nose! The nose!
LISA:
And where should it not go?
HOMER:
Blue pants! Blue pants!
LISA:
Dad! Get your own song!
HOMER:
Fine
I'm gettin' blue pants in the morning!
Ding-dong, the zipper's gonna shine!

( INDOORS ALL NIGHT)

Groundskeeper Willie:
If you ask me, the Royal Shakespeare Company's latest season was much ado about nothing
(everyone laughs)
Edna Krabappel:
Ha! I get that reference and you can get me anytime you want, handsome
Groundskeeper Willie:
I would be delighted to dine with you on the twelfth
Lisa:
You're a smash, G.K.!
Groundskeeper Willie:
It feels so sublime. I feel like I...
Could be indoors all night
Could use a fork and knife
And never soil my suit
I could be so polite
Start not a single fight
And still not feel like a fruit
How very nice that there's no lice
In my hair
And my toenails I don't bite
Now that I've reached the stage
Where I'm not full of rage
I could be indoors
Indoors all night!

(LONGING FOR THE SHACK)

Coach Krupt:
Hey, Maitre d'!
Groundskeeper Willie:
May I help you, sir?
Coach Krupt:
These rolls are stale! BOMBARDMENT!!! Bring me some more! BOMBARDMENT!!! And, uh, some nice tea for the lady please. BOMBARDMENT!!!
Groundskeeper Willie:
(sighs)
I've a fancy suit
And a clean white shirt
But I miss the days when tractor fumes
Blew up my skirt
I was freezing cold
And I slept in mold
But I long for the shack where I lived
She was true to me
My old home of wood
And when I passed out drunk from turpentine
She understood
Life was so sublime
Dewey Largo:
Well, boo hoo, cuz I'm
Hanging ferns in the shack where you lived!
If I had your voice, I'd talk-sing everything!