“A Star Is Torn” Medley

[Homer]
Here you go honey, sing this!

[Lisa]
How did you write a song so quickly

[Homer]
Most of the tune is plagiarized, go go go!

[Medley 1 Lisa]
I've been to Paris and London and Tokyo town
But one crazy burg has 'em all beat hands down
Jacksonville?
I'm talkin' Springfield
You can buy chimichangas Talkin' Springfield
The chicks have big gazongas?
There's tires on fire A guy named Apu
And Skinner, and Grandpa And ol' Disco Stu
Did I forget to mention you?
You?! That's me!
I'm talkin' Springfield where nobody sucks
Except for Flanders

[Krusty]
I get it, I get it
She's good
Looks like they love you, kid, and the audience is always right
I wish I could say the same about my stockbroker

[Homer]
Don't worry, honey
The song I wrote you is so schmaltzy, it'll make "Moon River" sound like a farting orangutan

[Medley 2: Lisa]
My kitty died on Christmas Eve
Daddy told me to be brave
But instead of singing carols
I was digging Snowball's grave

[Lenny]
God, I miss Lisa's cat so much

[Krusty & Lisa]
This is our final night
Over 30 contestants have fallen through our Buzz Cola trapdoor
Let us out
Hey, you're supposed to clean this out every night
What do you mean, talk to your shop steward? Now let's welcome the first of our two finalists, Lisa Simpson
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make
I didn't have my usual songwriter tonight
So I took a stab at writing my own song
Something that expresses what's really in my heart
Bernie, if you please

[Medley 3: Lisa]
I'm in the final two I should be happy
But all I want to do is spend more time with my pappy
Now that you're gone, Dad I miss you so much and your threats against teamsters and techies and such
Your management style is like Attila the Hun
You were vicious, malicious
But you got the job done
I'm sorry I hurt you
But please don't be sad
You're no longer my coach
But you're always my dad

[Applause]

[Krusty]
Even the Applause-O-Meter is crying
Oh, God, that's battery acid

[Homer]
Cameron's about to sing the song I wrote for him
He's about to learn the most important lesson in the music business: Don't trust people in the music business

[???]
A privileged boy
My dad can buy and sell ya
It really doesn't matter
That you're on the list in front of me
I'm gonna get your table
Cause I always tip the maitre d' And then I'll go to Yale
Because I am a legacy
I'm better than you

[End]