Millennium Approaches Act 1 Scene 6

Scene 6

First week of November. In the men's room of the offices of the Brooklyn Federal Court of Appeals. Louis is crying over the sink; Joe enters.

JOE
Oh, um... Morning.

LOUIS
Good morning, Counselor.

JOE (He watches Louis cry)
Sorry, I... I don’t know your name.

LOUIS
Don't bother. Word processor. The lowest of the low.

JOE (Holding out his hand)
Joe Pitt. I'm with Justice Wilson.

LOUIS
Oh, I know that. Counselor Pitt. Chief Clerk.

JOE
Were you... Are you OK?

LOUIS
Oh, yeah. Thanks. What a nice man.

JOE
Not so nice.

LOUIS
What?

JOE
Not so nice. Nothing. You sure you’re-

LOUIS
Life sucks shit. Life... just sucks shit.

JOE
What's wrong?

LOUIS
Run in my nylons.

JOE
Sorry...?

LOUIS
Forget it. Look, thanks for asking.

JOE
Well...

LOUIS
I mean it really is nice of you.
(He starts crying again)
Sorry, sorry. Sick friend...

JOE
Oh, I'm sorry.

LOUIS
Yeah, yeah, well, that's sweet.

Three of your colleagues have preceded you to this baleful sight and you're the first one to ask. The others just opened the door, saw me, and fled. I hope they had to pee real bad.

JOE (Handing him a wad of toilet paper)
They just didn't want to intrude.

LOUIS
Hah. Reaganite heartless macho asshole lawyers.

JOE
Oh, that's unfair.

LOUIS
What is? Heartless? Macho? Reaganite? Lawyer?

JOE
I voted for Reagan.

LOUIS
You did?

JOE
Twice.

LOUIS
Twice? Well, oh boy. A Gay Republican.

JOE
Excuse me?

LOUIS
Nothing.

JOE
I'm not-

Forget it.

LOUIS
Republican? Not Republican? Or...

JOE
What?

LOUIS
What?

JOE
Not gay. I’m not gay.

LOUIS
Oh. Sorry.

(Blows his nose loudly) It’s just-

JOE
Yes?

LOUIS
Well, sometimes you can tell from the way a person sounds, that- I mean you sound like a-

JOE
No I don't.

Like what?

LOUIS
Like a Republican.

(Little pause. Joe knows he’s being teased; Louis knows he knows. Joe decides to be a little brave.)

JOE
Do I? Sound like a...?

LOUIS
What? Like a...? Republican, or...?

Do I?

JOE
Do you what?

LOUIS
Sound like a...?

JOE
Like a ...?

I'm... confused.

LOUIS
Yes.

My name is Louis. But all my friends call me Louise. I work in Word Processing. Thanks for the toilet paper.

(Louis offers Joe his hand. Joe reaches, Louis feints and pecks Joe on the cheek, then exits.)