Millennium Approaches Act 1 Scene 4

Scene 4

Same day. Louis and Prior sitting outside on a bench near an Upper West Side funeral home, both dressed in funereal finery; Prior is elegant, Louis is rumpled/negligent. The funeral service for Sarah Ironson has just concluded and Louis is about to leave for the cemetery.

LOUIS
My Grandmother actually saw Emma Goldman speak. In Yiddish. But all Grandma could remember was that she spoke well and wore a hat.

What a weird service. That rabbi.

PRIOR
A definitive find. Get his number when you go to the graveyard. I want him to bury me.

LOUIS
Better head out there. Everyone gets to put dirt on the coffin once it's lowered in.

PRIOR
Oooh. Cemetery fun. Don't want to miss that.

LOUIS
It's an old Jewish custom to express love. Here, Grandma, have a shovelful. Latecomers run the risk of finding the grave completely filled.

She was pretty crazy. She was up there in that home for ten years, talking to herself. I never visited. She looked too much like my mother.

PRIOR (Hugs him)
Poor Louis. I'm sorry your grandma is dead.

LOUIS
Tiny little coffin, huh?

Sorry I didn't introduce you to- I always get so closety at these family things.

PRIOR
Butch. You get butch. (Imitating) "Hi, Cousin Doris, you don't remember me I'm Lou, Rachel's boy." Lou, not Louis, because if you say Louis they'll hear the sibilant S.

LOUIS
I don't have a-

PRIOR
I don't blame you, hiding. Bloodlines. Jewish curses are the worst. I personally would dissolve if anyone ever looked me in the eye and said "Feh." Fortunately WASPs don't say "Feh." Oh and by the way, darling, Cousin Doris is a dyke.

LOUIS
No.

Really?

PRIOR
You don't notice anything. If I hadn't spent the last four years fellating you I'd swear you were straight.

LOUIS
You're in a pissy mood. Cat still missing?

(Little pause.)

PRIOR
Not a furball in sight. It's your fault.

LOUIS
It is?

PRIOR
I warned you, Louis. Names are important. Call an animal Little Sheba and you can't expect it to stick around. Besides, it's a dog's name.

LOUIS
I wanted a dog in the first place, not a cat. He sprayed my books.

PRIOR
He was a female cat.

LOUIS
Cats are stupid, high-strung predators. Babylonians sealed them up in bricks. Dogs have brains.

PRIOR
Cats have intuition.

LOUIS
A sharp dog is as smart as a really dull two-year-old child.

PRIOR
Cats know when something's wrong.

LOUIS
Only if you stop feeding them.

PRIOR
They know. That's why Sheeba left, because she knew.

LOUIS
Knew what?

(Pause.)

PRIOR
I did my best Shirley Booth this morning, floppy slippers, housecoat, curlers, can of Little Friskies: "Come back, Little Sheeba, come back..." To no avail. Le chat, elle ne reviendra jamais, jamais...

(He removes his jacket, rolls up his sleeve, shows Louis a dark purple spot on the underside of his arm near the shoulder.)

PRIOR
See.

LOUIS
That's just a burst blood vessel.

PRIOR
Not according to the best medical authorities.

LOUIS
What?

(Pause)

Tell me.

PRIOR
K.S., baby. Lesion number one. Lookit. The wine-dark kiss of the angel of death.

LOUIS (Very softly, holding Prior's arm)
Oh please...

PRIOR
I'm a lesionnaire. The Foreign Lesion. The American Lesion. Lesionnaire's disease.

LOUIS
Stop.

PRIOR
My troubles are lesion.

LOUIS
Will you stop.

PRIOR
Don't you think I'm handling this well?

I'm going to die.

LOUIS
Bullshit.

PRIOR
Let go of my arm.

LOUIS
No.

PRIOR
Let go.

LOUIS (Grabbing Prior, embracing him ferociously)
No.

PRIOR
I can't find a way to spare you, baby. No wall like the wall of hard scientific fact. K.S. Wham. Bang your head on that.

LOUIS
Fuck you. (Letting go) Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

PRIOR
Now that's what I like to hear. A mature reaction. Let's go see if the cat's come home.

Louis?

LOUIS
When did you find this?

PRIOR
I couldn't tell you.

LOUIS
Why?

PRIOR
I was scared, Lou.

LOUIS
Of what?

PRIOR
That you'll leave me.

LOUIS
Oh.

(Little pause.)

PRIOR
Bad timing, funeral and all, but I figured as long as we're on the subject of death.

LOUIS
I have to go bury my grandma.

PRIOR
Lou?

(Pause)

Then you'll come home?

LOUIS
Then I'll come home.