Millennium Approaches Act 1 Scene 5

Scene 5

Same day. Split scene: Joe and Harper at home, as before; Louis at the cemetery after his family has gone, lingering behind, staring down at Sarah Ironson's coffin in her open grave.

HARPER
Washington?

JOE
It's an incredible honor, buddy, and-

HARPER
I have to think.

JOE
Of course.

HARPER
Say no.

JOE
You said you were going to think about it.

HARPER
I don't want to move to Washington.

JOE
Well I do.

HARPER
It's a giant cemetery, huge white graves and mausoleums everywhere.

JOE
We could live in Maryland. Or Georgetown.

HARPER
We're happy here.

JOE
That's not really true, buddy, we-

HARPER
Well happy enough! Pretend-happy. That's better than nothing.

JOE
It's time to make some changes, Harper.

HARPER
No changes. Why?

JOE
I've been chief clerk for four years. I make twenty-nine-thousand dollars a year. That's ridiculous. I graduated fourth in my class and I make less than anyone I know. And I'm... I'm tired of being a clerk, I want to go where something good is happening.

HARPER
Nothing good happens in Washington. We'll forget church teachings and buy furniture at, at Conran's and become yuppies. I have too much to do here.

JOE
Like what?

HARPER
I do have things.

JOE
What things?

HARPER
I have to finish painting the bedroom.

JOE
You've been painting in there for over a year.

HARPER
I know, I- It just isn't done because I never get time to finish it.

JOE
Oh that's... That doesn't make sense. You have all the time in the world. You could finish it when I'm at work.

HARPER
I'm afraid to go in there alone.

JOE
Afraid of what?

HARPER
I heard someone in there. Metal scraping on the wall. A man with a knife, maybe.

JOE
There's no one in the bedroom, Harper.

HARPER
Not now.

JOE
Not this morning either.

HARPER
How do you know? You were at work this morning. There's something creepy about this place. Remember Rosemary's Baby?

JOE
Rosemary's Baby?

HARPER
Our apartment looks like that one. Wasn't that apartment in Brooklyn?

JOE
No, it was-

HARPER
Well, it looked like this. It did.

JOE
Then let's move.

HARPER
Georgetown's worse. The Exorcist was in Georgetown.

JOE
The devil, everywhere you turn, huh, buddy.

HARPER
Yeah. Everywhere.

JOE
How many pills today, buddy?

HARPER
None. One. Three. Only three.

(At the cemetery: Rabbi Isidor Chemelwitz, heading home, walks past Louis, who is still staring into the grave. Louis stops the Rabbi with a question.)

LOUIS
Why are there just two little wooden pegs holding the lid down?

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
So she can get out easier if she wants to.

LOUIS
I hope she stays put.

I pretended for years that she was already dead. When they called to say she had died it was a surprise. I abandoned her.

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
"Sharfer vi di tson fun a shlang iz an umdankbar kind!"

LOUIS
I don't speak Yiddish.

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
"Sharper than the serpent's tooth is the ingratitude of children." Shakespeare. Kenig Lear.

LOUIS
Rabbi, what does the Holy Writ say about someone who abandons someone he loves at a time of great need?

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
Why would a person do such a thing?

LOUIS
Because he has to.

Maybe because this person's sense of the world, that it will change for the better with struggle, maybe a person who has this neo-Hegelian positivist sense of constant historical progress towards happiness or perfection or something, who feels very powerful because he feels connected to these forces, moving uphill all the time... Maybe that person can't, um, incorporate sickness into his sense of how things are supposed to go. Maybe vomit... and sores and disease... really frighten him, maybe... he isn't so good with death.

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
The Holy Scriptures have nothing to say about such a person.

LOUIS
Rabbi, I'm afraid of the crimes I may commit.

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
Please, mister. I'm a sick old rabbi facing a long drive home to the Bronx. You want to confess, better you should find a priest.

LOUIS
But I'm not a Catholic, I'm a Jew.

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
Worse luck for you, bubbulah, Catholics believe in Forgiveness. Jews believe in Guilt.

(The Rabbi turns to leave.)

LOUIS
You just make sure those pegs are in good and tight.

(The Rabbi stops, looks down into the grave, then at Louis.)

RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ
Don't worry, mister. The life she had, she'll stay put. She's better off.

(The Rabbi exits. Louis looks into the grave, one last, quick glance, then follows.)

JOE
Look, I know this is scary for you. But try to understand what it means to me. Will you try?

HARPER
Yes.

JOE
Good. Really try.

I think things are starting to change in the world.

HARPER
But I don't want-

JOE
Wait. For the good. Change for the good. America has rediscovered itself. Its sacred position among nations. And people aren't ashamed of that like they used to be. This is a great thing. The truth restored. Law restored. That's what President Reagan's done, Harper. He says: "Truth exists and can be spoken proudly." And the country responds to him. We become better. More good. I need to be a part of that, I need something big to lift me up. I mean, six years ago the world seemed in decline, horrible, hopeless, full of unsolvable problems and crime and confusion and hunger and-

HARPER
But it still seems that way. More now than before. They say the ozone layer is-

JOE
Harper...

HARPER
And today out the window on Atlantic Avenue there was a schizophrenic traffic cop who was making these-

JOE
Stop it! I'm trying to make a point.

HARPER
So am I.

JOE
You aren't even making sense, you-

HARPER
My point is the world seems just as-

JOE
It only seems that way to you because you never go out in the world, Harper, and you have emotional problems.

HARPER
I do so get out in the world.

JOE
You don't. You stay in all day, fretting about imaginary-

HARPER
I get out. I do. You don't know what I do.

JOE
You don't stay in all day.

HARPER
No.

JOE
Well... Yes you do.

HARPER
That's what you think.

JOE
Where do you go?

HARPER
Where do you go? When you walk.

(Pause, then very angry) And I DO NOT have emotional problems.

JOE
I'm sorry.

HARPER
And if I do have emotional problems it's from living with you. Or-

JOE
I'm sorry, buddy, I didn't mean to-

HARPER
Or if you do think I do then you should never have married me. You have all these secrets and lies.

JOE
I want to be married to you, Harper.

HARPER
You shouldn't. You never should.

(Pause)

Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

JOE
Buddy kiss.

(They kiss.)

HARPER
I heard on the radio how to give a blowjob.

JOE
What?

HARPER
You want to try?

JOE
You really shouldn't listen to stuff like that.

HARPER
Mormons can give blowjobs.

JOE
Harper.

HARPER (Imitating his tone)
Joe.

It was a little Jewish lady with a German accent. This is a good time. For me to make a baby.

(Little pause. Joe turns away from her, then leaves the living room.)

HARPER
And then they went on to a program about holes in the ozone layer. Over Antarctica. Skin burns, birds go blind, icebergs melt. The world's coming to an end.