Mick and Keef

I met Mick Jagger once. Y'all like the Stones?

(audience: a handful of people say 'Yeah.')

I met Mick. I'm not bragging, he doesn't remember. But uh... it was neat. The Comedy Store in Los Angeles. Richard Pryor was on stage. And when he got done, he said, 'I'd like to introduce to you a friend of mine. You might know him. Mick Jagger.' The response was exactly like this... for some reason. I don't think anyone believed him, you know? You don't believe me either, do ya? But then this little effeminate billionaire elf... little effeminate billionaire elf... strolled out on stage. Ever notice how Mick walks like a pigeon? Like his neck is connected to his ankles?

And he goes, 'You know wha'?'

(audience: *silence*)

'I said you know wha'?'

(audience: a few people say unenthusiastically: 'What?')

No, that's not good enough by him. 'I said you know wha'?'

(audience: more people: 'What?')

One more time, leave out the "t". 'I said you know wha'?'

(audience: 'Wha'?')

Isn't that fun to do? He said, 'What these guys do on stage... is a lot harder than what me and the band does. Like I was talking to Keith the other day, right? And I said, 'Keith... Keith! Keith!' *frantically hitting something* 'KEITH!' 'Oh, what, are we on? Am I getting married? What, Mickey?'

If there is one man that I respect more than anyone in the world, that has got to be Keith Richards' doctor. This guy's on call 24 hours a day, man. 'What? You're about to go on and Keith's dead again? Oh jeez, I'll be right over.' 'Keith!' *hitting something* 'Keith!' *hitting something* 'I'm up. I'm up.'

(*mimics the riff of "Jumpin' Jack Flash"*) (*singing* "I was born in a cross-fire hurricane...")

I think Mick Jagger could qualify for handicapped parking. Gets out of his limousine and go... No questions here, Mick. You're fucking retarded, bro. Go on in the 7-11, get Keith some beer and get out of here. Far out.