In the Absence of Christmas

Sitting in the living room, staring at the decorations
Feels so out of place in this house
Sucking on a toffee apple, munching on some pumpkin pie
Seems so out of place in his mouth
Such incongruous cuisine, he eats a tangerine to clean his palate
Someone get that man a mince pie before he starts to cry
Ding-dong merrily on high

What does Santa Claus do for Halloween
Oh, whoa
What does Santa Claus do for Halloween

Trick or treaters come a-knocking
At Saint Nicholas’ door, but he ain’t got no candy for them
Trick or treaters getting angry, throwing eggs at Santa’s door
But he tells them they’ll be sorry come December 24
(Ho, ho, ho)
This holiday, it makes no sense, no gold, no myrrh, no frankincense
Baby Jesus would be taking offence
Santa’s slouching by the fire in his jovial attire
He collapses to his knees, won’t somebody help him, please?

Oh, what does Santa Claus do for Halloween
Oh, whoa
What does Santa Claus do for Halloween

Oh, what does Santa Claus do for Halloween
Oh, whoa
What does Santa Claus do for Halloween

And he lights a Jack-o-lantern, and he throws it in the road
And the kids all start a-screaming as the lantern does explode
But the parents of those kiddies hold old Santa to the ground
And now Saint Nick is quite surrounded and Halloween is safe and sound

Oh, what does Santa Claus do for Halloween
Oh, whoa
What does Santa Claus do for Halloween