I Wanna Be a Producer

[ACCOUNTANTS]
Unhappy, unhappy, very unhappy
Unhappy, unhappy
Very very very very very
Very very unhappy

[BLACK ACCOUNTANT]
Oh, I debits all duh mornin'
An' I credits all duh eb'nin
Until dem ledgers be right

[LEO, ACCOUNTANTS]
Until them ledgers be right

[LEO]
I spend my life accounting
With figures and such

[ACCOUNTANTS]
Unhappy

[LEO]
To what is my life amounting
It figures, not much

[ACCOUNTANTS]
Unhappy

[LEO]
I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my soul
It sets my heart afire
To see me in this role:

I wanna be a producer
With a hit show on Broadway
I wanna be a producer
Lunch at Sardi's every day
I wanna be a producer
Sport a top hat and a cane
I wanna be a producer
And drive those chorus girls insane!

[Chorus girls emerge from the filing cabinets.]

I wanna be a producer
And sleep until half-past two
I wanna be a producer
And see you, you, you.....not you
I wanna be a producer
Wear a tux on op'ning nights!
I wanna be a producer
And see my name "Leo Bloom" in lights!

[The office is removed to reveal a large sign reading "LEO BLOOM PRESENTS".]

[Chorus GIRLS]
He wants to be a producer

[LEO, spoken]
Sell it, girls!

[GIRLS]
Of a great big Broadway smash

[LEO, spoken]
Don't forget the balcony!

[GIRLS]
He wants to be a producer
Ev'ry pocket stuffed with cash
He wants to be a producer
Pinch our cheeks 'til we cry

[GIRL #1]
Ouch!

[GIRL #2]
Eek!

[GIRL #3]
Ooh!

[GIRL #4]
Oh!

[GIRL #5]
Ahh!

[GIRL #6]
Yes!

[GIRLS]
*whistling*
He wants to be a producer
With a great big casting couch!

[Tap-break]

[LEO]
I wanna be...

[GIRLS]
He wants to be...

[LEO]
I wanna be...

[GIRLS]
He wants to be...

[LEO]
I wanna be the greatest, grandest
And most fabulous producer in the world

[GIRLS]
He wants to be a producer
He wants to dine with a duchess and a duke

[LEO]
I just gotta be a producer
Drink champagne until I puke

[GIRLS]
Drink champagne 'til he pukes!

[LEO]
I wanna be a producer
Show the world just what I've got
I'm gonna put on shows
That will enthrall 'em

[GIRLS, LEO]
Read my name in Winchell's column!

[LEO]
I wanna be a producer
'Cause it's everything I'm not

[ACCOUNTANTS]
Unhappy... unhappy...
So unhappy

[LEO, ACCOUNTANTS]
Very very very very
Very very very very...

[ACCOUNTANTS]
Sad

[LEO]
I wanna be a producer

(spoken)
Hold everything! What am I doing here? Mr. Bialystock was right! There is a lot more to me than there is to me!
Stop the world, I wanna get on!

[There is a commotion amongst the accountants as Marks enters.]

[MARKS, spoken]
Bloom, where do you think you're going?

[LEO, spoken]
Mr. Marks, I've got news for you. I quit!
Here's my visor
My Dixon Ticonderoga number two pencil
And my big finish!

(sung)
I'm gonna be a producer
Sound the horn and beat the drum
I'm gonna be a producer
Look out Broadway, here I come!

[GIRLS, ACCOUNTANTS]
Broadway, here he comes!