Along Came Bialy

[MAX]
The time has come
To be a lover from the Argentine
To slick my hair down with Brilliantine
And gargle heavily with Listerine
Wow!
It's time for Max
To put his backers on their backs
And thrill them with amazing acts
Those aging nymphomaniacs

Ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah!

They were helpless
They were hopeless
Then along came Bialy!
They were joyless
They were boyless
Then along came Bialy!
They're my angels
I'm their devil
And I keep those embers aglow
When I woos 'em
I can't lose 'em
'Cause I cast my spell 'n'
They start yellin'
Fire down below!

They were listing
They were sinking
Then along came Bialy!
They were desp'rate
They were drinking
Then along came Bialy!
So romantic
They were frantic
Then their prayers were heard up above!
Heaven sent them
Their Bialy!
I'm the celebration of love!

[Transition from Max's office to Little Old Lady Land.]

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]
We were helpless
We were hopeless
Then along came Bialy!

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME]
Life had passed us by
And love had stolen away

[LICK ME - BITE ME]
At the end of our rope
We'd given up hope
Of one last roll in the hay

[KISS ME - FEEL ME]
Discarded dolls
Abandoned wrecks

[ALL THREE]
Condemned to a life
Of sitting and knitting
When all we really wanted was... sex!

[MAX, spoken]
Ah, did you bring the checky, my little turtledove?

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]
Yes, but first, Bialy, can we please play one dirty
Little game?

[MAX, spoken]
Here in broad daylight?

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]
It'll just be a quickie

[MAX, spoken]
Okay, what, what?

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]
Let's play the Distracted Tourist and the Ever-Watchful
Orangutan

[MAX, spoken]
Oy, are you trying to kill me? Please, I'm exhausted
Let's play one game with absolutely no sex

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]
What?

[MAX, spoken]
How 'bout the Jewish Princess and Her Husband

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]
So romantic
We were frantic
Then our prayers were heard up above
Heaven sent us
Our Bialy!
He's the celebration of love!

[Instrumental]

[MAX,spoken]
Fire down below!

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]
We were listing
We were sinking
Then along came Bialy!
We were desp'rate
We were drinking
Then along came Bialy!
So romantic
We were frantic
Then our prayers were heard up above!
It's Bialy!
Hail, Bialy!
He's the culmination
The restoration
The consummation
The titillation
Ejaculation-

[MAX, spoken]
Oy....

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]
-He's the celebration of love

[MAX, spoken]
Bloom! Bloom!

[LEO, spoken]
What, Max, what?

[MAX, spoken]
I've done it! I've done it! Look, we got all the money. Now all we have to do it put on the biggest flop in history!

[LEO, spoken]
That's great!

[MAX & LEO]
We can do it, we can do it
We can make a million bucks!

[ULLA]
Bialystock and Bloom, Bialystock and Bloom!
The show's a go!

(fugue begins with characters joining in the following order)

[ROGER, CARMEN, TEAM]
He's raised the money, we're on our way
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
We have our backing, oh, what a day
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay

Wonder of wonders, we have all our cash
Barring all blunders, we should have a smash!
We know that... we can do it!

Gay, gay, gay, gay...
Gay, gay, gay, gay...
Gay, gay, gay, gay

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]
Then along came Bialy!
We were desp'rate
We were drinking
Then along came Bialy!
Bialy was romantic
Our pulse became so frantic
It's Bialy!
Hail Bialy!

[MAX & LEO]
We can do it! We can do it!
We can do it
We can make a million bucks!
Ev'rything we've ever wanted
Is set to come our way
We know that... we can do it!
We can make it, we won't fake it
We were fated to be mated...

[ULLA]
Bialystock and Bloom...
Bialystock and Bloom...
Bialystock and Bloom!
And Bloom!
Bialystock and Bloom!
And Bloom!
Bialystock and Bloom...

[FRANZ]
Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles
Alles in der welt!
Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles
Alles in der welt!

(fugue stops)

[ULLA, spoken]
Bialystock and Bloom

[ULLA, FRANZ, ROGER, CARMEN, TEAM, spoken]
Bialystock and Bloom

[ALL EXCEPT OLD LADIES, spoken]
Bialystock and Bloom!

[ALL]
Ah ahh
Ah ah Ahh
Ah Ah Ah Ahh

Ah ahh
Ah ah Ahh
Ah Ahhhh

[LEO & MAX]
We can do it

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]
They can do it

[ALL]
Say goodbye to woe and gloom

[LEO & MAX]
We can do it

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]
Nothing to it

[ALL]
Can't you hear that bing-bang-boom!

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]
With their brilliance
Their resilience
Up together they will zoom!

[LEO & MAX, spoken]
We can't miss!

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]
They were fated to be mated
They're Bialystock and Bloom!
Ahhh!