Girl Meets Boy

[JOE]
Girl meets boy
That's a safe beginning

[BETTY]
It's nearly closing
I thought you weren't going to show

[JOE]
So did I
I felt it might be kinder

[BETTY]
What are you saying?

[JOE]
Come on, Miss Schaefer, you know

[BETTY]
What?

[JOE]
Every time I see some young kid
Dreaming they'll produce a masterpiece
I just want to throw them on the next train home

[BETTY]
Never thought
You'd be so condescending

[JOE]
Sorry, Miss Schaefer
I didn't come here to fight

[BETTY]
Girl meets boy
If that's how you want it
She's a young teacher
He's a reporter
It's hate at first sight

[JOE]
It won't sell
These days they want glamour
Fabulous heiress meets handsome Hollywood heel
The problem is
She thinks he's a burglar
Would you believe it?
A wedding in the last reel

[BETTY]
It doesn't have to be so mindless
You should write from your experience
Give us something really moving;
Something true

[JOE]
Who wants true?
Who the hell wants moving?
Moving means starving
And true means holes in your shoe

[BETTY]
No, you're wrong
They still make good pictures
Stick to your story
It's a good story

[JOE]
O.K., Miss Schaefer
I give it to you

[BETTY, spoken]
What do you mean?

[JOE, spoken]
Just what I said. I've given up writing myself. So you write it

[BETTY, spoken]
Oh, I'm not good enough to do it on my own
But I thought we could write it together

[JOE, spoken]
I can't. I'm all tied up

[BETTY, spoken]
Couldn't we work evenings? Six o'clock in the morning? I'd come to your place

[JOE, spoken]
Look, Betty, it can't be done. It's out
Let's keep in touch through Artie
That way if you get stuck, we can at least talk

[JOE]
Write this down
I'll give you some ground rules
Plenty of conflict
But nice guys don't break the law
Girl meets boy
She gives herself completely
And though she loves him

[JOE and BETTY]
She keeps one foot on the floor

[BETTY]
No one dies except the best friend
No one ever mentions communists
No one takes a black friend to a restaurant

[JOE]
Very good
Nothing I can teach you
We could have had fun
Fighting the studio

[BETTY]
Yes, Mr. Gillis
That's just what I want

[ARTIE]
What a nightmare
Good to see you
Come to my New Year's party

[JOE]
Last year it got out of hand

[ARTIE]
Guaranteed bad behavior

[JOE]
See you then

[BETTY]
Don't give up
You're too good

[JOE, spoken]
Thanks