Fries

I think I've been over here a lot 'cause suddenly the food tastes good. So, uh, I think I'm getting used to it here. When I came over, first of all, I was pretty stunned. First of all, you don't boil pizza. Now... No, now listen to me... I think...

And this fascination with fucking chips. French fries. You call them chips. They're French fries. I love fries, don't get me wrong. If you leave here tonight going, 'Bill doesn't like fries,' you'll be wrong. But every single fucking time you eat? Come on! You're having too many fries! You're over your spud quota!

Everything has these things. I saw hookers on London streets going, 'Head and chips!' You may think you've gotten good head before, but unless you've had it with a big, hot, piping plate of fries in front of you... Very civilized. We could learn a lot from you. You're an ancient culture. We, a young upstart nation. Exporting American Gladiators, so instead of us having to grow, we'll bring you to our fucking level. Ha ha ha ha!

I'm trying to get this show on Channel 4, right? I came up with this show, I think it's a real good idea for a show and I'm, like, you know, going to all these meetings with Channel 4. And I picked up the paper and I read Channel 4's TV listings... Uh, fuck you. Scooby Doo, Get Smart, Blossom, Who's the Boss?, Full House... AAAARRRRGGGHHH! The same country where George Bernard Shaw used to jot things down? Why are you exporting our American horseshit? Why do I get off the plane and see Kentucky fucking Fried Chicken? ...Why am I yelling at you about it? 'Bill, we didn't do it. We had nothing to do with it. Giant corporate conglomerate that has tentacles all over the world. We are like you, Bill, merely the puppet people! They tell us where to go and what to do.'

Open a McDonald's in Moscow and everyone's backslapping each other. It's depressing to me. 'Oh, it'll help the economy!' McDonald's? 'It'll supply 45 new jobs there in Moscow.' Yeah, 20 dentists and 20 heart specialists. It's shit, don't eat it. Mick-Donald's! Ha ha!