Flaming Agnes

[AGNES, spoken]
Oh, that pompous, pompous, pompous, pompous ass! Now's the time for that hat. The one I've been saving all these years

(sung)
An eighty-five dollar hat!
What do you think of that?
Thirteen feathers of the pigeon family!
And a bird of paradise plume!

I hid this hat for four whole years
In this great big box at the foot of the bed
Right here is this very same room!
But now, my spouse, it's out of the box
And I'm gonna tell you what:
If I am going to go to pot
This pot is gonna be hot!

Say, who's that racy, middle-aged lady
Peeking underneath her veil?
Why, don't you know?
That's Flaming Agnes
Her husband up and left her

Who's that pale, available matron
Underneath the peacock's tail?
Why, can't you guess?
That's Flaming Agnes
Emancipated lady!

Used to find her sittin' in the kitchen
Mousy housewife was her name
But the day her husband up and left her
Agnes started to flame!

Now they say that nothing can save her
And they blame her husband for
The blazing shame
Of Flaming Agnes!

[Dance break]

Flirting with the fellas!

Used to find her tendin' to the kiddies;
Up to here in Cream of Wheat!
But the day her husband up and left her
That's the day that Agnes turned the heat on!

Now she flames from night till early mornin'
While he slaves to raise the alimony
He must pay
To Flaming Agnes!