Evelyn Song

I lead a charmed life, Trevor
Don't you understand?

My life's been quite the wild ride
Intrigue, thrills, romance
I may have reached my twilight years
But it's all still song and dance

Seasons come and seasons go
The years keep flying by
And now I'll sit here in my house until the day I die

I'm an independent woman
I do what I want when I want with whom I want
I am very confused
I'm afraid you simply don't understand
What a gas it is when you get to be my age

I'm ninety-three, no, ninety-four
That can't be right
Just wait, there's more
My back is broke, my tits they sag
I have to pee into a bag
I have three toes, my eyes are coined
A mouse named "Pip" lives in loins
I smell like milk, well more like cheese
My nipples wink, I never sneeze

I cannot remember the year I was born
I skunked all my friends out of play
I've seen every movie and most of them thrice
For breakfast I only eat hay

I don't wear shoes, I can't tell time
I speak in tongues, I like old limes
I sing to frogs, collect the rain
I have spaghetti in my brain
Well, this has been fun, but I gotta be anywhere but here
Woah
I keep all my ice cubes inside of my purse
I have a whole room full of teeth
I only read backwards, I never use spoons
My mother is also my niece

My organs are cotton, I cry melted butter
I have no reflection, I bathe in asbestos
The world is a riddle, I might be the Devil
My pussy fell off with a breeze
Hey

Who saw that coming?
I did