America’s Next Model

I wanted us to be model citizens
So no one would ask us about our sins
But there's an intoxicating thrill
That comes with entering a home of love
And finding skeletons in the closet

And there's something about community that creates competition
And something about competition that leaves me feeling uninvited

And the ones that stain the healthy way and inspire my faith
Are the same ones who are ready to jump ship
The second thing turns to fifth and the path I'm on diminishes
Or the lights on the sides of the road that I walk down fall dim
And I'm sorry, darling, but you were the worst of them

I used to feel alone when I thought that nobody loved me in truth But now I feel alone when I think about the way that you do
You told me you didn't want me to fall asleep with bitterness in my heart
So I guess I'll just stay awake
You said you could tell me and only me, and I wouldn't fall apart
But you couldn't see me stand when I began to break

And I was told that true character shows when no one's around
But I felt like no one wanted me around
And the sound of the ground being punished by my feet
And the solitude I find when I put ice on my shaking knees
Resound in a profound runaround of emotionally-bound conclusions
I came to I felt like I was going to drown
And the bitterness you thought I felt
Was just your own mind confusing bitterness with acceptance
And fixing our broken home with wasting time
Because you thought it would begin

And sometimes I hear the crack on the windowsill
And I miss the days when it had a picture of you and I
And I miss the emotions that came with chasing after this thrill
But mostly I just miss being a part of your life

And I remember when you stopped saying I love you
Unless you were just saying I love you too
And then I remember when even that was too hard for you

And I remember the day that the blue suitcase on the top shelf of my closet disappeared
And so did the passion you had for me here
And the fear of knowing you could leave me had vanished
But so did the reason I ever felt purpose

And it hurts to know that you said goodbye
But I just thank God that you're alive
And I'm happy that you're happy
And my joy comes from knowing you were once mine
And I'm grateful for that
And even though there's so many words I wish I could take back
I still thank my God every time I remember you
I still thank my God every time I remember you