6 months

[verse 1]
Nowadays I'm always pissed off
I'm about to punch a hole through a brick wall
Went a put all my problems in a ziplock
Drive up and toss them off a other fucking cliff dog
Cuss truth is I've been loosing my grip
I don't drink but i feel like abusing the 5th
And writing my goodbyes and take a cruise to that cliff
Drive it straight off
Never leaving proof of that shit
A year ago
I crashed my car on purpose
Nobody knows about it
I was feeling worthless
I told myself that i shouldn't hit the brakes
Last second i realized it was a mistake
I slowed down
Thank god that i did it
But sometimes i won't lie
Still wish that i didn't
Cuss all the stress could've ended with the fatal collision
Cause of the places id been in
And i just hated the vision
I thought i had lost
I came so close just to giving up
I wanted to die
Cause i thought no one would give a fuck
I was always down on myself
I can't recall a single day where i was proud of myself
Cause every single day i thought id drown in myself
I had no fucking clue what i had found in myself to now say
[hook]
I'm sorry mom
I'm sorry dad
I'm sorry eddie
I'm sorry andre
I'm sorry matt
And I'm sorry sammy
Please do not forget me
I've told myself to get up
Told myself i should give myself 6 months
After that if my life didn't switch up
Only then would i have the right to give up
I lied one more after this
[verse 2]
Pain killers take the physical pain
But what happens when I'm feeling like I'm sick in the brain
Cuss i should be happy
My fans come in thousands
But I've been more stressed since i entered the fame
I have fans
Thats a weird thing to say
It excites me when i think about a year from today
Cuss a year ago vs how i feel today
Is so drastically different
It can't be real
Theres no way
But it is
Can't come to grips with it
So think about life and how pissed it is
Still never feel like i deserve the listens
Or fans
Or the people who been trying to get with it
I still suck at school
I still work a job that i fucking hate
I still feel like I'm writing songs
That i feel like are nothing great
I'm still afraid that Ill suffocate
I still pray to god for a fucking break
He still never listens
Ill fucking wait
I wanna move to another state
So i can run away
I think nothings changed
But everything changed
Except for my mind
The stress is the same
People believe in me
I dont understand what they see in me
I'm always afraid of them leaving me
I can't see the reasons to be with me
But i can't let them down
Cuss i promised to somehow
Make everybody proud