Put on pages

Always been a thinking person, as a child I was observant
As I grew older I learned to read certain people, became assertive
Like I know that I'm talented, just not enough extrovertive
Never been the most confident, talking publicly was nervous

Like I never had the courage, Been pondering what's my purpose?
Or is it all really worthless?
I wanna be remembered when they close up my curtains
Don't wanna be another tomb stone ended up left deserted

More subversive, turning to a morbid person
Beyond reversive, like turning to a morning person
I'm the type to "hate waking up every morning"-person
More the type who's "wide awake until the morning"-person

Write my verses in, a state of mind of diversion
A way of escaping reality, and find what's hurting
I try to go deep inside of my mind, where it's lurking
Insecurities confusing me, hope these words can..

_________

[Chorus]
Explain how I'm holding on to
What came out of all this awful

Pain I put on pages, captured certain stages
Maintain the same focus, hope it don't changes

Explain how I'm holding on to
What came out of all this awful

Pain I put on pages, captured certain stages
Maintain the same focus, hope it don't changes
______

I’m just staring at myself, in this bathroom cabinet
Disappointed at myself, for this actual habit
To actively stagnate myself, and manage
To turn this talent I have to a disadvantage

Concerned about the damage, that this could have it’s a
Self-destructive pattern, to be this manic
Always doubted myself, it’s a repeat pattern
Wasn’t proud of how it felt, a bittersweet taste after

My writing’s passed yours, confidence to fit a pocket
Might come off as adverse, or reluctant
And I don’t mean to be redundant
But problems, they come in abundance
And I’ve had enough of it, fuck it

Might even come as a surprise, but I regret next to nothing
Every flaw helped design, this drive of becoming something

This strive of becoming something, bottled up enough in
Side of myself and I don' wanna continue running
Away from something, I can't escape this thumping ache inside my chest, that came out of nothing

Maybe if I protected myself enough to trust 'em I wouldn't be bugging, maybe this…

_________________________________

[Chorus]
Explain how I'm holding on to
What came out of all this awful

Pain I put on pages, captured certain stages
Maintain the same focus, hope it don't changes

Explain how I'm holding on to
What came out of all this awful

Pain I put on pages, captured certain stages
Maintain the same focus, hope it don't changes
_________________________________