Grand Opening

[Verse 1]
It's another show. Another grand opening
You look up to the stage and you see me, now you're nope-ening
Who's this nerdy white dude with his chubby dad bod?
Rapping over beats that he's playing on his iPod?
My God, who is this guy? What weirdo did they find?
Press your ear against this speaker so I that can blow your mind
Just a 40-year old nerd who never acts his age
So please do me a favor: come up closer to the stage
Unless it's my demeanor that you're finding quite unsettlin'
I promise not to bite...hard. Ladies?...Gentlemen?
Everybody’s welcome, doesn’t matter where you’re comin’ from
All that I will ask is if you’re ready to have lots of fun
So come get some, and make some noise, it's really super easy
And if you like what you see, could you maybe buy a CD?
I got ‘em at the merch booth, it’s not that far a trek
But you can do it later, this is my sound check

[Chorus]
It’s a Grand Opening, you gotta start with me
I’m just the opener, maybe not who you wanna see
I’m here to set you up and knock you out and that’s a fact
A Grand Opening from this opening act

[Verse 2]
I know you’re only here to see the other bands
It’s not like I need fans (but I could really use some fans)
Now you don’t have to worry, I’m not up here long
(By the way did I mention you can find me on Patreon?)
I’m here to warm you up as I rap and dance and sing
If no one pays attention, well it’s kinda embarrassing
But here’s the thing: I’m used to it. Occasionally I’ll bomb
Did a show for three people once, and one was my mom!
Well, that’s my lot in life I don’t mean to be a whiner
Always a Bridesmaid, never a Headliner
But what could be finer than to entertain you?
Performing while you order drinks is just what I do!
As the opening act, I get such little respect
But I’m the only one on stage now, last time I checked
And all those other acts that you came here to see?
I'm not opening for them, THEY'RE CLOSING FOR ME!

[Spoken]
Actually...that’s not true at all
Please don’t tell them I said that
I really need this gig

[Chorus]
It’s a Grand Opening, you gotta start with me
I’m just the opener, maybe not who you wanna see
I’m here to set you up and knock you out and that’s a fact
A Grand Opening from this opening act
It’s a Grand Opening, I’ll make you love me
I’m just the opener, maybe not who you came to see
But I hope you like my set and I make an impact
My name is Insane Ian, I’m your opening act