The Staple of News Act 5 Scene 4

Peni-boy sen. Porter.
He is seen sitting at his Table, with Papers before him.

Where are the Prisoners?

Por.
They are forth-coming, Sir,
Or coming forth at least.

P. sen.
The Rogue is drunk,
Since I committed them to his charge. Come hither,

[He smells him.

Near me, yet nearer; breathe upon me. Wine!
Wine, o' my Worship! Sack! Canary Sack!
Could not your Badge ha' been drunk with fulsom Ale,
Or Beer, the Porter's Element? but Sack!

Por.
I am not drunk; we had, Sir, but one Pint,
An honest Carrier and my self.

P. sen.
Who paid for't?

Por.
Sir, I did give it him.

P. sen.
What? and spend Six-pence!

A Frock spend Six-pence! Six-pence!

Por.
Once in a Year, Sir.

P. sen.
In seven Years, Varlet! Know'st thou what
thou hast done?
What a consumption thou hast made of a State?
It might please Heaven, (a lusty Knave, and young)
To let thee live some seventy Years longer,
Till thou art fourscore and ten, perhaps a hundred.
Say seventy Years; how many times seven in seventy?
Why seven times ten is ten times seven, mark me,
I will demonstrate to thee on my Fingers.

Six-pence in seven Year, (Use upon Use)
Grows in that first seven Year to be a Twelve-pence;
That, in the next, Two shillings; the third, Four shillings;
The fourth seven Year, Eight shillings; the fifth, Sixteen;
The sixth, Two and thirty; the seventh, Three pound four;
The eighth, Six pound and eight; the ninth, Twelve pound sixteen;
And the tenth seven, Five and twenty pound
Twelve shillings. This thou art fall'n from, by thy Riot!
Should'st thou live seventy Years, by spending Six-pence
Once i' the seven: But in a Day to waste it!
There is a Sum that Number cannot reach!
Out o' my House, thou Pest o' Prodigality!
Seed o' Consumption! Hence: A wicked Keeper
Is oft worse than the Prisoners. There's thy Penny,
Four Tokens for thee. Out, away. My Dogs
May yet be innocent, and honest. If not,
I have an entrapping Question or two more,
To put unto 'em, a cross Interrogatory,
And I shall catch 'em. Lollard? Peace:

[He calls forth Lollard, and examines him.

What Whispering was that you had with Mortgage,
When you last lick'd her Feet? The truth now. Ha?
Did you smell she was going? Put down that. And not,
Not to return? You are silent? Good. And when
Leap'd you on Statute? As she went forth? Consent.
There was Consent, as she was going forth.
'Twould have been fitter at her coming home,
But you knew that she would not? To your Tower:

[He commits him again.

You are cunning, are you? I will meet your Craft.

Block, shew your Face, leave your Garesses, tell me,

[Calls forth Block, and examines him.

And tell me truly, what Affronts do you know
Were done Pecunia, that she left my House?
None, say you so? not that you know? or will know?
I fear me, I shall find you an obstinate Cur.
Why did your fellow Lollard cry this morning?
'Cause Broker kickt him? Why did Broker kick him?
Because he pist against my Ladies Gown?
Why, that was was no affront? no? no distaste?

[Commits him.

You knew o' none. Yo'are a dissembling Tyke,
To your Hole again, your Block-house. Lollard, arise,

[Lollard is call'd again.

Where did you lift your Leg up last? 'gainst what?
Are you struck Dummerer now, and whine for Mercy?
Whose Kirtle was't you gnaw'd too? Mistris Band's?
And Wax's Stockins? Who did? Block bescumber
Statute's white Suit, wi' the Parchment Lace there?
And Broker's Sattin Doublet? All will out.
They had offence, offence enough to quit me.
Appear Block: Fough! 'tis manifest; he shews it,

[Block is summon'd the second time.

Should he forswear't, make all the Affidavits
Against it, that he could afore the Bench,
And twenty Juries, he would be convinc'd.
He bears an Air about him doth confess it.

[He is remanded.

To Prison again, close Prison.

[Lollard has the liberty of the House.

Not you, Lollard;
You may enjoy the liberty o' the House:
And yet there is a Quirk come in my Head,
For which I must commit you too, and close.
Do not repine, it will be better for you.