The Rover Act III Chapter II

Enter Blunt and Lucetta with a Light.

LUC.Now we are safe and free, no fears of the coming home of my old jealous Husband, which made me a little thoughtful when you came in firstbut now Love is all the business of my Soul.

BLUNT. I am transportedPox on’t, that I had but some fine things to say to her, such as Lovers use, I was a Fool not to learn of Fred, a little by Heart before I camesomething I must say. [Aside. ’Sheartlikins, sweet Soul, I am not us’d to complement, but I’m an honest Gentleman, and thy humble Servant.

LUC.I have nothing to pay for so great a Favor, but such a Love as cannot but be great, since at first sight of that sweet Face and Shape it made me your absolute Captive.

BLUNT. Kind heart, how prettily she talks! Egad I’ll show her Husband a Spanish Trick; send him out of the World, and marry her: she’s damnably in love with me, and will ne’er mind Settlements, and so there’s that say’d.[Aside.

LUC.Well, Sir, I’ll go and undress me, and be with you instantly.

BLUNT. Make haste then, for ’dsheartlikins, dear Soul, thou canst not guess at the pain of a longing Lover, when his Joys are drawn within the compass of a few minutes.

LUC.You speak my Sense, and I’ll make haste to provide it.

BLUNT. ’Tis a rare Girl, and this one night’s enjoyment with her will be worth all the days I ever past in Essex.Would she’d go with me into England, tho to say truth, there’s plenty of Whores there already.But a pox on ’em 53they are such mercenary prodigal Whores, that they want such a one as this, that’s free and generous, to give ’em good Examples:Why, what a House she has! how rich and fine!

Enter SANCHO.

SANCHO. Sir, my Lady has sent me to conduct you to her Chamber.

BLUNT. Sir, I shall be proud to follow Here’s one of her Servants too:
’dsheartlikins, by his Garb and Gravity he might be a Justice of Peace in Essex, and is but a Pimp here.[Exeunt.

The Scene changes to a Chamber with an Alcove-Bed in it, a Table, &c. Lucetta in Bed. Enter Sancho and Blunt, who takes the Candle of Sancho at the Door.

SANCHO. Sir, my Commission reaches no farther.

BLUNT. Sir, I’ll excuse your Complement what, in Bed, my sweet Mistress?

LUC.You see, I still out-do you in kindness.

BLUNT. And thou shall see what haste I’ll make to quit scoresoh the luckiest Rogue![Undresses himself.

LUC.Should you be false or cruel now!

BLUNT. False, ’Sheartlikins, what dost thou take me for a Jew? an insensible Heathen,A Pox of thy old jealous Husband: and he were dead, egad, sweet Soul, it should be none of my fault, if I did not marry thee.

LUC.It never should be mine.

BLUNT. Good Soul, I’m the fortunate’s Dog!

LUC.Are you not undress yet?

BLUNT. As much as my Impatience will permit.[Goes towards the Bed in his Shirt and Drawers.

LUC.Hold, Sir, put out the Light, it may betray us else.

BLUNT. Any thing, I need no other Light but that of thine Eyes!’sheartlikins, there I think I had it.

[Aside.[Puts out the Candle, the Bed descends, he gropes about to find it.
Why, why, where am I got? what, not yet? Where 54are you sweetest ah, the Rogue’s silent now a pretty Love-trick this how she’ll laugh at me and on! You need not, my dear Rogue! you need not! I’m all on a fire already come, come, now call me in for pity Sure I’m enchanted! I have been round the Chamber, and can find neither Woman, nor Bed I lockt the Door, I’m sure she cannot go that way; or if she could, the Bed could not Enough, enough, my pretty Wanton, do not carry the Jest too far Ha, betrayed! Dogs! Rogues! Pimps! help! help!

[Lights on a Trap, and is let down.

Enter Lucetta, Philippo, and Sancho with a Light.

PHIL. Ha, ha, ha, he’s dispatcht finely.

LUC.Now, Sir, had I been coy, we had mist of this Booty.

PHIL. Nay when I saw ’twas a substantial Fool, I was mollified; but when you do at upon a Serenading Coxcomb, upon a Face, fine Clothes, and a Lute, it makes me rage.

LUC.You know I never was guilty of that Folly, my dear Philippo, but with your self But come let’s see what we have got by this.

PHIL. A rich Coat!Sword and Hat! these Breeches too are well lined! see here a Gold Watch! a Purseha! Gold! At least two hundred Pistoles! a bunch of Diamond Rings; and one with the Family Arms!a Gold Box! with a Medal of his King! and his Lady Mother’s Picture!these were sacred Reliques, believe me! See, the Wasteland of his Breeches have a Mine of Gold! Old Queen Bess’s. We have a Quarrel to her ever since Eighty Eight, and may therefore justify the Theft, the Inquisition might have committed it.

LUC.See, a Bracelet of bow’d Gold, these his Sister ty’d about his Arm at parting but well for all this, I fear his being a Stranger may make a noise, and hinder our Trade with them hereafter.

PHIL. That’s our security; he is not only a Stranger to us, but to the Country toothed Common-Shore into which he is descended, thou know’st, conducts him into another Street, which this Light will hinder him from ever finding again he knows neither your Name, nor the Street where your House is, nay, nor the way to his own Lodgings.

LUC.And art not thou an unmerciful Rogue, not to afford him one Night for all this?I should not have been such a Jew.

PHIL. Blame me not, Lucetta, to keep as much of thee as I can to my self come, that thought makes me want on, let’s to Bed,Sancho, lock up these.
This is the Fleece which Fools do bear,Designed for witty Men to sheer
The Scene changes, and discovers Blunt, creeping out of a Common Shore, his Face, &c., all dirty.

BLUNT. Oh Lord!
I am got out at last, and (which is a Miracle) without a Clue and now to Damning and Cursing,but if that would ease me, where shall I begin? with my Fortune, my self, or the Quean that cozened me What a dog was I to believe in Women! Oh Cox combignorant conceited Coxcomb! to fancy she could be enamoured with my Person, at the first sight enamour’dOh, I’m a cursed Puppy,’tis plain, Fool was writ upon my Forehead, she perceived it,saw the Essex Calf there for what Allurements could there be in this Countenance? which I can endure, because I’m acquainted with itOh, dull silly Dog! to be thus soothed into a Cozening! Had I been drunk, I might fondly have credited the young Quean! but as I was in my right Wits, to be thus cheated, confirms I am a dull believing English Country Fop. But my Comrades! Death and the Devil, there’s the worst of all then a Ballad will be sung to Morrow on the Prado, to a lousy Tune of the enchanted Squire, and the annihilated Damsel But Fred, that Rogue, and the Colonel, will abuse me beyond all Christian patience had she left me my Clothes, I have a Bill of Exchange 56 at home would have saved my Credit but now all hope is taken from me. Well, I’ll home (if I can find the way) with this Consolation, that I am not the first kind believing Coxcomb; but there are, Gallants, many such good Natures amongst ye.

And tho you’ve better Arts to hide your Follies, Adsheartlikins y’are all as errant Cullies.