The Rover Act III Chapter I

Enter FLOR.inda, Valeria, Hellena, in Antick different Dresses from what they were in before, Callis attending.

FLOR. I wonder what should make my Brother in so ill a Humour: I hope he has not found out our Ramble this Morning.

HELL. No, if he had, we should have heard on’t at both Ears, and have been mewed up this Afternoon; which I would not for the World should have happened Hey ho! I’m sad as a Lover’s Lute.

VAL. Well, methinks we have learnt this Trade of Gipsies as readily as if we had been bred upon the Road to Loretto: and yet I did so fumble, when I told the Stranger his Fortune, that I was afraid I should have told my own and yours by mistake But methinks Hellena has been very serious ever since.

FLOR. I would give my Garters she were in love, to be revenge’s upon her, for abusing me How is’t, Hellena?

HELL. Ah! would I had never seen my mad Monsieur and yet for all your laughing I am not in love and yet this small Acquaintance, o my Conscience, will never out of my Head.

VAL. Ha, ha, ha I laugh to think how thou art fitted with a Lover, a Fellow that, I warrant, loves every new Face he sees.

HELL. Hum he has not kept his Word with me here—and may be taken up that thought is not very pleasant to me what the Duce should this be now that I feel?

VAL. What is’t like?

HELL. Nay, the Lord knows but if I should be hanged, I cannot choose but be angry and afraid, when I think that mad Fellow should be in love with any Body but me—What to think of my self I know not—Would I could meet with some true dammed Gipsy, that I might know my Fortune.

VAL. Know it! why there’s nothing so easy; thou wilt love this wandering Inconstant till thou find’s thy self hanged about his Neck, and then be as mad to get free again.

FLOR. Yes, Valeria; we shall see her bestride his Baggage-horse, and follow him to the Campaign.

HELL. So, so; now you are provided for, there’s no care taken of poor me But since you have set my Heart a wishing, I am resolved to know for what. I will not die of the Pip, so I will not.

FLOR. Art thou mad to talk so? Who will like thee well enough to have thee, that hears what a mad Wench thou art?

HELL. Like me! I don’t intend, every he that likes me shall have me, but he that I like: I should have staid in the Nunnery still, if I had liked my Lady Abbess as well as she liked me. No, I came thence, not (as my wise Brother imagines) to take an eternal Farewell of the World, but to love and to be beloved; and I will be beloved or I’ll get one of your Men, so I WILL.

VAL. Am I put into the Number of Lovers?

HELL. You! my Couz, I know thou art too good natured 44to leave us in any Design: Thou wou’t venture a Cast, tho thou comest off a Loser, especially with such a Gamester I observed your Man, and your willing Ears incline that way; and if you are not a Lover, ’tis an Art soon learnt that I find.[Sighs.

FLOR. I wonder how you learnt to love so easily, I had a thousand Charms to meet my Eyes and Ears, ever I could yield; and ’twas the knowledge of Belvile’s Merit, not the surprising Person, took my Soul Thou art too rash to give a Heart at first sight.

HELL. Hang your considering Lover; I never thought beyond the Fancy, that ’twas a very pretty, idle, silly kind of Pleasure to pass ones time with, to write little, soft, nonsensical Billets, and with great difficulty and danger receive Answers; in which I shall have my Beauty praised, my Wit admired (tho little or none) and have the Vanity and Power to know I am desirable; then I have the more Inclination that way, because I am to be a Nun, and so shall not be suspected to have any such earthly Thoughts about me But when I walk thus—and sigh thus they’ll think my Mind’s upon my Monastery, and cry, how happy ’tis she’s so resolved! But not a Word of Man.

FLOR. What a mad Creature’s this!

HELL. I’ll warrant, if my Brother hears either of you sigh, he cries (gravely) I fear you have the Indiscretion to be in love, but take heed of the Honor of our House, and your own unspotted Fame; and so he conjures on till he has laid the soft-winged God in your Hearts, or broke the Birds-nest—But see here comes your Lover: but where’s my inconstant? let’s step aside, and we may learn something.[Go aside.

Enter Belvile, FRED. and Blunt.

BELV. What means this? the Picture’s taken in.

BLUNT.It may be the Wench is good natured, and will be kind gratis. Your Friend’s a proper handsome Fellow.

BELV. I rather think she has cut his Throat and is fled: I am mad he should throw himself into Dangers—Pox on’t, I shall want him to night—let’s knock and ask for him.

HELL. My heart goes a-pit a-pat, for fear ’tis my Man they talk of.[Knock, Moretta above.
More. What would you have?

BELV. Tell the Stranger that entered here about two Hours ago, that his Friends stay here for him.

MORET. A Curse upon him for Moretta, would he were at the Devil—but he’s coming to you.[Enter Wilmore.

HELL. I, I, ’tis he. Oh how this vexes me.

BELV. And how, and how, dear Lad, has Fortune smiled? Are we to break her Windows, or raise up Altars to her! hah!

WILL. Does not my Fortune sit triumphant on my Brow? dost not see the little wanton God there all gay and smiling? have I not an Air about my Face and Eyes, that distinguish me from the Crowd of common Lovers? By Heaven, Cupid’s Quiver has not half so many Darts as her Eyes—Oh such a Bona Rota, to sleep in her Arms is lying in Fresco, all perfumed Air about me.

HELL. Here’s fine encouragement for me to fool on.[Aside.

WILL. Hark ye, where didst thou purchase that rich Canary we drank to-day? Tell me, that I may adore the Spigot, and sacrifice to the Butt: the Juice was divine, into which I must dip my Rosary, and then bless all things that I would have bold or fortunate.

BELV. Well, Sir, let’s go take a Bottle, and hear the Story of your Success.

FRED. Would not French Wine do better?

WILL. Damn the hungry Balderdash; cheerful Sack has a generous Virtue in’t, inspiring a successful Confidence, gives Eloquence to the Tongue, and Vigour to the Soul; and has in a few Hours completed all my Hopes and Wishes. There’s nothing left to raise a new Desire in me Come let’s be gay and wanton and, Gentlemen, study, study what you want, for here are Friends, that will supply, Gentlemen, hark! what a charming sound they make ’tis he and she Gold whilst here, shall beget new Pleasures every moment.

BLUNT.But hark ye, Sir, you are not married, are you?

WILL. All the Honey of Matrimony, but none of the Sting, Friend.

BLUNT.’Sheartlikins, thou’rt a fortunate Rogue.

WILL. I am so, Sir, let these inform you. Ha, how sweetly they chime! Pox of Poverty, it makes a Man a Slave, makes Wit and Honor sneak, my Soul grew lean and rusty for want of Credit.

BLUNT.’Sheartlikins, this I like well, it looks like my lucky Bargain! Oh how I long for the Approach of my Squire, that is to conduct me to her House again. Why! here’s two provided for.

FRED. By this light y’re happy Men.

BLUNT.Fortune is pleased to smile on us, Gentlemen, to smile on us.
Enter Sancho, and pulls Blunt by the Sleeve. They go aside.
Sancho. Sir, my Lady expects you she has removed all that might oppose your Will and Pleasure and is impatient till you come.

BLUNT.Sir, I’ll attend you, Oh the happiest Rogue! I’ll take no leave, lest they either dog me, or stay me.[Ex. with Sancho.

BELV. But then the little Gipsy is forgot?

WILL. A Mischief on thee for putting her into my thoughts; I had quite forgot her else, and this Night’s Debauch had drunk her quite down.

HELL. Had it so, good Captain?[Claps him on the Back.

WILL. Ha! I hope she did not hear.

HELL. What, afraid of such a Champion!

WILL. Oh! you’re a fine Lady of your word, are you not? to make a Man languish a whole day

HELL. In tedious search of me.

WILL. Egad, Child, thou’rt in the right, hadst thou seen what a melancholy Dog I have been ever since I was a Lover, how I have walkt the Streets like a Capuchin, with my Hands in my Sleeves Faith, Sweetheart, thou wouldst pity me.

HELL. Now, if I should be hanged, I can’t be angry with him, he dissembles so heartily Alas, good Captain, what pains you have taken—Now were I ungrateful not to reward so true a Servant.

WILL. Poor Soul! that’s kindly said, I see thou bearest a Conscience come then for a beginning shew me thy dear Face.

HELL. I’m afraid, my small Acquaintance, you have been staying that swinging stomach you boasted of this morning; I remember then my little Collation would have gone down with you, without the Sauce of a handsome Face—Is your Stomach so quesy now?

WILL. Faith long fasting, Child, spoils a Man’s Appetite yet if you durst treat, I could so lay about me still.

HELL. And would you fall to, before a Priest says Grace?

WILL. Oh fie, fie, what an old out of fashioned thing hast thou named? Thou couldn't not dash me more out of Countenance, shouldst thou shew me an ugly Face.
Whilst he is seemingly courting Hellena, enter Angelica, Moretta,Biskey, and Sebastian, all in Masquerade: ANG.sees WILL. and starts.

ANG.Heavens, is’t he? and passionately fond to see another Woman?

MORET. What could you expect less from such a Swaggerer?

ANG.Expect! as much as I paid him, a Heart entire, Which I had pride enough to think when ever I gave It would have rais’d the Man above the Vulgar,
Made him all Soul, and that all soft and constant.

HELL. You see, Captain, how willing I am to be Friends with you, till Time and Ill-luck make us Lovers; and ask you the Question first, rather than put your Modesty to the blush, by asking me: for alas, I know you Captains are such strict Men, severe Observers of your Vows to Chastity, that ’twill be hard to prevail with your tender Conscience to marry a young willing Maid.

WILL. Do not abuse me, for fear I should take thee at thy word, and marry thee indeed, which I’m sure will be Revenge sufficient.

HELL. O’ my Conscience, that will be our Destiny, because we are both of one humour; I am as inconstant as you, for I have considered, Captain, that a handsome Woman has a great deal to do whilst her Face is good, for then is our Harvest time to gather Friends; and should I in these days of my Youth, catch a fit of foolish Constancy, I were undone; ’tis loitering by day light in our great Journey: therefore declare, I’ll allow but one year for Love, one year for Indifference, and one year for Hate and then go hang your self for I profess myself the gay, the kind, and the inconstant—the Devil’s isn’t if this won’t please you.

WILL. Oh most damnably! I have a Heart with a hole quite thro it too, no Prison like mine to keep a Mistress in.

ANG.Perjur’d Man! how I believe thee now!

HELL. Well, I see our Business as well as Humours are alike, yours to cozen as many Maids as will trust you, and I as many Men as have Faith See if I have not as desperate a lying look, as you can have for the heart of you.

[Pulls off her Vizard; he starts. How do you like it, Captain?

WILL. Like it! by Heaven, I never saw so much Beauty. Oh the Charms of those sprightly black Eyes, that strangely fair Face, full of Smiles and Dimples! those soft round melting cherry Lips! and small even white Teeth! not to be exprest, but silently adored! Oh one Look more, and strike me dumb, or I shall repeat nothing else till I am mad.

[He seems to court her to pull off her Vizard: she refuses.

ANG.I can endure no more nor is it fit to interrupt him; for if I do, my Jealousy has so destroy’d my Reason, I shall undo him Therefore I’ll retire. And you Sebastian [To one of her Bravoes] follow that Woman, and learn who ’tis; while you tell the Fugitive, I would speak to him instantly.

[To the other Bravo.[Exit.

[This while FLOR. is talking to Belvile, who stands sullenly.

FRED.courting Valeria.

VAL. Prithee, dear Stranger, be not so sullen; for tho you have lost your Love, you see my Friend frankly offers you hers, to play with in the mean time.

BELV. Faith, Madam, I am sorry I can’t play at her Game.

FRED. Pray leave your Intercession, and mind your own Affair, they’ll better agree apart; he’s a model Sigher in Company, but alone no Woman escapes him.

FLOR. Sure he does but rally—yet if it should be true I’ll tempt him farther Believe me, noble Stranger, I’m no common Mistress and for a little proof don’t wear this Jewel nay, take it, Sir, ’tis right, and Bills of Exchange may sometimes miscarry.

BELV. Madam, why am I chose out of all Mankind to be the Object of your Bounty?

VAL. There’s another civil Question askt.

FRED. Pox off’s Modesty, it spoils his own Markets, and hinders mine.

FLOR. Sir, from my Window I have often seen you; and Women of Quality have so few opportunities for Love, that we ought to lose none.

FRED. Ay, this is something! here’s a Woman! When shall I be blest with so much kindness from your fair Mouth? Take the Jewel, Fool.[Aside to BELV.

BELV. You tempt me strangely, Madam, every way.

FLOR. So, if I find him false, my whole Repose is gone.

BELV. And but for a Vow I’ve made to a very fine Lady, this Goodness had subdued me.

FRED. Pox don’t be kind, in pity to me be kind, for I am to thrive here but as you treat her Friend.

HELL. Tell me what did you in yonder House, and I’ll unmasque.

WILL. Yonder House oh I went to, a to why, there’s a Friend of mine lives there.

HELL. What a she, or a he Friend?

WILL. A Man upon my Honor! a Man A She Friend! no, no, Madam, you have done my Business, I thank you.

HELL. And wasn’t your Man Friend, that had more Darts in’s Eyes than Cupid carries in a whole Budget of Arrows?

WILL. So?

HELL. Ah such a Bona Roba: to be in her Arms is lying in Fresco, all perfumed Air about me Was this your Man Friend too?

WILL. So?

HELL. That gave you the He, and the She Gold, that begets young Pleasures.

WILL. Well, well, Madam, then you see there are Ladies in the World, that will not be cruel there are, Madam, there are

HELL. And there be Men too as fine, wild, inconstant Fellows as your self, there be, Captain, there be, if you go to that now therefore I’m resolved

WILL. Oh!

HELL. To see your Face no more

WILL. Oh!

HELL. Till tomorrow.

WILL. Egad you freighted me.

HELL. Nor then neither, unless you’ll swear never to see that Lady more.

WILL. See her! why! never to think of Womankind again?

HELL. Kneel, and swear.

[Kneels, she gives him her hand.

HELL. I do, never to think to see to love nor lie with any but thy self.

HELL. Kiss the Book.

WILL. Oh, most religiously.[Kisses her Hand.

HELL. Now what a wicked Creature am I, to damn a proper Fellow.

Call. Madam, I’ll stay no longer, ’tis e’en dark.

[To FLOR.

FLOR. However, Sir, I’ll leave this with you that when I’m gone, you may repent the opportunity you have lost by your modesty.[Gives him the Jewel, which is her Picture, and Ex. He gazes after her.

WILL. ’Twill be an Age till to morrow, and till then I will most impatiently expect you Adieu, my dear pretty Angel.

[Ex. all the Women.

BELV. Ha! FLOR. inda’s Picture! ’twas she her self what a dull Dog was I? I would have given the World for one minute’s discourse with her.

FRED. This comes of your Modesty, ah pox on your Vow,’twas ten to one but we had lost the Jewel by’t.

BELV. Willmore! the blessed’st Opportunity lost!FLOR.inda, Friends,FLOR.inda!

WILL. Ah Rogue! such black Eyes, such a Face, such a Mouth, such Teeth, and so much Wit!

BELV. All, all, and a thousand Charms besides.

WILL. Why, dost thou know her?

BELV. Know her! ay, ay, and a Pox take me with all my Heart for being modest.

WILL. But hark ye, Friend of mine, are you my Rival? and have I been only beating the Bush all this while?

BELV. I understand thee not I’m mad see here.

[Shews the Picture.

WILL. Ha! whose Picture is this? ’tis a fine Wench.

FRED. The Colonel’s Mistress, Sir.

WILL. Oh, oh, here I thought it had been another Prize come, come, a Bottle will set thee right again.

[Gives the Picture back.

BELV. I am content to try, and by that time ’twill be late enough for our Design.

WILL. Agreed.

Love does all day the Soul’s great Empire keep, But Wine at night lulls the soft God asleep