The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

[Intro: Narrator]
And now it's time for silly songs with Larry
The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song
Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mister Lunt, who together, make up the infamous gang of scallywags, the pirates who don't do anything

[Chorus: Pirates]
We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

[Verse 1: Pa Grape]
Well, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[Chorus: Pirates]
Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

[Verse 2: Mr. Lunt]
And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck
And I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all
And I've never walked the gangplank and I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[Chorus: Pirates]
'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

[Verse 3: Larry]
Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[Interlude: Pa Grape & Mr. Lunt]
Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster or mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate?
Hey, that's right We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things
And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense, why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?
I think you look like Cap'n Crunch
Huh? No, I don't
Do too
Do not
You're making me hungry
That's it, you're walking the plank
Says who?
Says the Captain, that's who
Oh yeah? Aye, aye, Cap'n Crunch Hee hee hee
Arrrgh
Yikes

[Verse 4: Larry, Pa Grape, & All]
And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stinkbug
And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball
And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings
(You just don't get it)
And we've never been to Boston in the fall

[Outro: Pa, Larry, & Lunt]
Pass the chips Who's got the remote control?
Here it is
Time for Geraldo
It's definitely time for Wapner
Oh, I don't like this show
Hey, look, I found a quarter