The Darkness of My Heart

"The whole head is sick!" (Isaiah 1:5)
So sin’s mould is in all of Brindle’s soul’s crevices
Living life by the law of Timothy caused a near loss of family and a loss of ministry
So in the pit of sin I often ask the question
Why am I such an awful tragic mess and
I wrote this candidly
A hopeless man is me but is it cause I’m from a broken family?
Are my problems rooted in my childhood
Cause without good family structure I now should
Consider them my griefs and my calamities
Are they legitimate reasons for insanity
Cause it’s apparent my parent’s marriage was broken
But I respond as such my god is lust that I hope in
Giving me the ability to feel at ease in the moment
But in my pain I suffer
Can I blame another for my own sin?
It’s blame-shifting
But is early exposure that which has made my brain twisted?
Or was I born with this bent to love disgusting sin
And porn's the event that shows I’m shunning Him
Diseased and sick
Completely convinced I need this sin I’d fiend for it
How easy the evil one deceives this twit
Cause what I seek digs a deeper pit
What blasphemous nastiness
In that it’s my own ravenous savage sins that had me crashing this
Yet I rage at the Lord with my anger galore (Proverbs 19:3)

So hush and listen if I sound like just a victim
I’m even more a rebel from my disgusting sinning
(x2)

Cause I respond in blatant rebellion
A slave to the abominations I fell in
And since this sinner profaned His honour
Hence the inner cold pain and trauma
Now all bottled up inside’s a lot of stuff to hide
Like rage rotten lust and pride
Plus mixed with a big list of sicknesses
Manifested in wicked addictive sins
Angry at God I vowed not to trust Him
I’ll find escape now in the rush of lusting
Instead of turning to the Creator who made me
I prefer my own ways to be pain free
To medicate the horrendous dread within
Let me get the best pleasure as my medicine
So matter fact I better build a wall
Around my heart so I can never feel at all
So the result of this is an idolatrous autonomous independent godless kid
To avoid pain in the deepest part within
I’ll never ever let any(one) in my heart again