The Castleford Ladies’ Magic Circle

The Castleford Ladies' Magical Circle meets tonight
In an upstairs aspidistra'd room that's lit by candlelight
Where Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Practice every week unspeakable pagan rites

Dressed in their Sunday coats and their flowerpot hats
Respectable middle-aged ladies, running to fat, at that
There's Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Each with a Woolworth's broomstick and a tabby cat

But they don't waste time with a ouija board or a seance now and again, no
None of your wittering, twittering, petty poltergeists for them, no
Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Prefer to be tickled by the whiskery chins of bogey men

Their husbands potter at snooker down the club
Unaware of the devilish jiggery-poke and rub-a-dub-dub
While Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Are frantically dancing naked for Beelzebub

And after the witches' picnic and the devil's grog
After their savage pantings, their hysterical leap-frog, well
Elizabeth Jones and Lily O'Grady
And three or four more married ladies
Go back home for cocoa and the epilogue

So be careful how you go of a Saturday night
If you see a little old lady passing by it very well might be
Elizabeth Jones or Lily O'Grady
Or one of those satanical ladies
Their eyes are wild and bright, their cheekbones all alight
Don't go where they invite
Because the Castleford Ladies' Magical Circle meets tonight