Team FartKid (Live)

[MARGARET]
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Stupendous! Superb! Sublime! S... S... Syke!

[STARKIDS]
Ahh!

[MARGARET]
I just got back from destroying Paris, France - the greatest city in the world! This is the world's last authentic baguette.

[BRIAN R]
Uh, how is it?

[MARGARET]
Flaky! It tastes awfully like a croissant for a baguette. Did you really think that you could impress me with your bubblegum...

[STARKIDS]
Uhh!

Kidz Bop...

[STARKIDS]
Uhh!

[MARGARET]
Music?!

[STARKIDS]
Uhh!

[JOEY]
Yeah!

[MARGARET]
These songs can only be described as skimpy. And lyrically uninspired.

[Audience boos.]

[BRIAN R]
Uh-oh, fellas, he's onto us!

[Margaret laughs menacingly.]

[MARGARET]
You fail yet again, Team FartKid.

[JOE]
Heh heh heh heh heh heh...

[MARGARET]
I shall now destroy Japan... the greatest city in the world!

[STARKIDS]
Yatta!

[MARGARET]
Sayonara... and oh - you're going to have to get your bubble tea elsewhere, Walker.

[JOE]
NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[MEREDITH]
So what are we gonna do now, fellas?

[JAIME]
Wait, you guys... okay, I was reading on Wikipedia backstage and it turns out that there is one other way to appease Margaret besides musical theatre.

[STARKIDS]
How?

[JAIME]
Human sacrifice.

[STARKIDS]
Yay! Wait, what?

[JAIME]
You guys, Margaret is known as "The Eater of Hearts and Souls". Mayans used to rip out the heart of a human being and use it to pay tribute to her. So this means one thing... one of us is going to have to have our heart ripped out.

[STARKIDS]
Not it!

[JOEY]
Oh, not it! Heh heh heh... rrrats!

[BRIAN H]
Ha ha ha... DUMBASS. Well, looks like it's Joey, guys.

[JOEY]
Well, I guess I was gonna have to die sometime, at least it's gonna be at the hands of my best friends.

[DYLAN]
Hey, that's the spirit, Joe. Get up on that altar! Hey, who took my serrated blade dipped in sacrificial oil?

[LAUREN]
Oh! Uhh... you can use mine.

[DYLAN]
Oh, thanks, Lo.

[LAUREN]
You're welcome.

[JOEY]
Hey, guys. If you wanted to rip out my heart, you shoulda asked my ex-wife. A-zinga-zanga-zunga! Uhh... alright.

[JOE]
Are ya ready?

[JOEY]
I was born ready. Hey, do you have the anesthesia?

[JOE]
Yeah, right here.

[Joe knocks out Joey.]

[JAIME]
Okay, perfect. Great. Now to do this right, we have to make the incision right down the middle of his big, mushy tummy.

[Joe makes squelching sounds.]

[MEREDITH]
Ooh... so much blood!

[JOE]
Cool!

[JAIME]
Oh, gosh... okay, let's see what do we have here? A colon-

[STARKIDS]
Colon!

[JAIME]
A spleen-

[STARKIDS]
Spleen!

[JAIME]
Uh, googly goggles-

[STARKIDS]
Googly goggles!

[JAIME]
Rubber chicken?

[STARKIDS]
Rubber chicken!

[JAIME]
Uhhh.... whoa, what?

[JOE]
Haha, look at this - Dylan, it's a picture of your mom!

[DYLAN]
WHAT?

[BRIAN H]
Whoa, whoa, Jaime be careful with that knife! If Joey's nose lights up and he buzzes, we're in trouble.

[JAIME]
Oh, you guys, I got it! Here it is! Oh! Joey's heart!