Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me

[Verse 1]
Oh, the sand keeps falling through the hourglass
And there's no way you're gonna slow it down
You say we gotta treasure each moment
Who knows how long we're gonna be around?
Yeah, you keep on telling me life is short
And it's hard to disagree with what you say
But if time is so precious, why you wasting mine?
'Cause I'm always reading, always deleting
Every useless piece of garbage you send my way

[Chorus]
Every stupid hoax, all those corny jokes
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well I don't need tons of cringe-inducing puns
Stop forwarding that crap to me
No, it isn't okay if you brighten my day
With some cut-and-pasted, hackneyed Hallmark poetry
And I didn't request a personality test
Stop forwarding that crap to me

[Verse 2]
You're sending virus-laden, bandwidth-hogging attachments
To every single person you know
You're passing around a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
That everybody else already saw 3 years ago
And wacky, badly photoshopped billboards
Were never that amusing to me
And I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
But I have high hopes someone'll point you toward Snopes
And debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly

[Chorus]
No, I don't want a bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Send more top 10 lists and I'll slash my wrists
Please stop forwarding that crap to me
Well, I'm sorry I can't accept your paranoid rant
And I don't want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe
Won't you kindly refrain? Because it's hurting my brain
Stop forwarding that crap to me

[Bridge]
Like glittery hearts and unicorns
And pictures of somebody's cat
Now tell me, in what alternate reality
Would I care about something like that?
Oh, and by the way, your quotes from George Carlin aren't really George Carlin
Mister Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me something for nothing
And I highly doubt some dead girl's gonna kill me
If I don't pass your letter along

[Chorus]
Now I know you're wishing that I'll sign your petition
But stop forwarding that crap to me
And I don't wanna read your series of conspiracy theories
Just stop forwarding that crap to me
And your two million loser friends all have my address now
Because you never figured out the way to BCC
Now, I gotta insist, take me off your list
Stop forwarding that crap to me

[Outro]
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Stop forwarding that crap to me (Just stop it now)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (Oh, no)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (Oh, whoa)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (I can't take it)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (Oh, please)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Stop forwarding that crap to me (You gotta stop)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (Right now)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Stop forwarding that crap to me (I'm not kidding)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
At the risk of being slightly repetitious
I'm gonna ask you now to stop (Stop)
Sending me that crap
I don't want it, don't send it to me
No, don't send it to me
Stop forwarding that crap to me (Just stop)
Stop forwarding that crap to me (Whoa)
Stop forwarding that crap to me
To me
Ahh, ahh, ahh