If That Isn’t Love

[Verse 1]
I'm your shelter from the storm
You know I'll always have your back
I'll even let you warm
Your freezing hands inside my butt crack

I never get out
My leaf blower when Oprah is on
When you're telling me about your feelings
I try not to yawn

[Pre-Chorus]
And when we're at parties
I don't talk about your spastic bladder
When you're cleaning the gutters on the roof
I'll hold the ladder

[Chorus]
And if that isn't love
If that isn't love
If that isn't love
I don't know what love is

Oh I guess I don't know
Ooh... listen now...

[Verse 2]
There's a microscopic bit of milk left
In the refrigerator
I could have finished it off but I quit
In case you want a tiny little sip for later

And if you cut the cheese then maybe
I'll wink and say, "The dog's to blame!"
And I make sure to call you "baby"
Every time I forget your name

[Pre-Chorus]
I'll even tell you, girl
When you start looking fat
Cause all your so-called friends
Will probably neglect to mention that

[Chorus]
And if that isn't love
If that isn't love
If that isn't love
I don't know what love is

Well then I don't know
Ohh no...

[Bridge]
Even though you make me sit through Mamma Mia!
Well I still adore you
I'll kiss you even if you've had omelette for breakfast
And I can’t stand omelettes
And after I take a bath, if it's still warm
I'll leave the water in there for you
I give you my word
You're so beautiful
You make a glorious sunset look like a big fat turd, yeah

[Verse 3]
Every time I see you trying
To lift some really heavy thing
You can always count on me to help
By saying something encouraging
If you get drunk and pass out
I never Sharpie on your face
And I don't wipe my nose on your couch
Even though that's a super convenient place

[Pre-Chorus]
I totally support
Every idiotic thing you do
And I almost never pretend you're someone else
When I'm making out with you

[Chorus 2]
And if that isn't love
If that isn't love
If that isn't love
I don't know what love is
No I don't know what love is
Well I don't know what love is
I don't know what love is