Soft Jazzercise

[H. Jon Benjamin]

Hi, it's me, Jon Benjamin. Welcome to the second interlude of the album.

I figure, now that you're a bit settled in, it'd be a good time to get in a little exercise.

Because movement is truly the core of life.

I wanna introduce something I developed in the early 80s... No, the late 70s. It will really get the blood rolling.

It's called Soft Jazzercise, and it's vеry, very, very very... vеry... very... very low-impact.

The perfect fit, for this jazz vibe I've created.

So, take in a big, deep, invigorating breath, and fill those precious lungs with the healing sprites of the universe.

Now... cough it out.

Okay, let's get started.

Slowly raise your right arm. Slower. Slower. Very, very slow.

Much slower. Slow, slow. Like slo-mo slow.

Not past horizontal, slow the movement down.

Like a turtle slow.

Like an opiated panda slow.

Like a drowsy Frankenstein.

Like, Sátántangó slow.

Not too high. Or it could be... misinterpreted. As a "Heil Hitler" gesture.

Now bring it down, let gravity do the work.

Like the movie, Gravity.

Very loose, very limp, like, um... Whiskey Dick.

Now rest.

And now that concludes your Soft Jazzercise exercise routine.

Do this once a day, and nap afterwards.