Sex Re-Education

-Uh... Remember the last time we talked about this old body part, Bob?
-Yeah. Yeah, I remember, Dad
-Well... now, to begin with, it's a, well... penis
-Yeah, I know that already, dad
-This organ is one of the most wonderful examples we have of how, well... like...

Well son, to do anything knowingly to make it cum is a very grave sin
-Oh, I-I don't getcha
-You know what happens when you stuff yourself with cake and Cokes until you're ready to pop
-Sure, I get a stomachache
-You bet! Food tastes good, so that we be sure to take our vitamins each day. Sperm, as the doctors call it
-Oh, but Dad, that's wrong, isn't it? I mean-
-And don't let me catch you monkeying with mine for another couple of years here

But here's the important thing to understand, now:
All those changes in our bodies, which make a boy into a man, er, it ejects a fluid which contains the seed, or the, uh, the-
-Golly, Dad!
-No no, [?]. Well, what I'm talking about is... oh, one of these nights, before very long, you may find that sometimes before men are married-
-Oh, um-
-In spite of modern medicine, nature opens a sort of, uh...
-Well, you mean a-
-Something like that. So... but...

-Gee, our bodies are complicated, aren't they, Dad?
-Uh-huh, you bet. More complicated than the biggest dynamo ever built
-Oh, but Dad, why do fellas get these...
-Now that's a good question, Bob. To begin with, this-this business of... Men begin to feel it occasionally, well, as soon as they start to grow up. But always remember this, son: I did, when I was a boy--you will, too
-Golly!
-So... But, now here's the important thing: Sperm tastes good
It's good! As long as it's hard. Get it?
-I got it, Dad
-Right

Uh, you mind if I smoke in your room?
-Oh, uh, no, Dad!