Roxanne’s a Man (The Untold Story—Final Chapter)

[Intro]
(Yo Ralph)
Yeah, what's up, man?
(There go that girl they call Roxanne
I checked her out and I think she's fine)
Somethin's wrong with you boy you must be blind
(Why do you say that? I don't understand)
Don't you know Roxanne's a man
(WHAAAT?)

[Chorus]
Roxanne, Roxanne
Don't you understand?
Roxanne, Roxanne

[Verse 1]
Check this out
She used to be a dude, around the block
Down by law, a certified rock
Hangin' on the corner with a can of Olde E
Down with the crew, including me
We used to play ball in the street
Me and my man, before she turned sweet
He got into some trouble and he went to jail
Let me catch my breath before I tell my tale
Speakin' of "tail," check this out
This is how Roxanne got turned out
He went into the shower and he dropped the soap
So homeboys if you don't bring soap on a rope
If you mess up and let it fall
Just rinse off yourselves and keep your back to the wall
You don't bend over, you'll understand
Or you'll be like Roxanne, Roxanne

[Chorus]
Roxanne, Roxanne
Don't you understand?
Roxanne, Roxanne

[Verse 2]
When homeboy came out, he wasn't the same
Skin tight jeans and he changed his name
A pretty pink bow on the tip of his shoe
And a polka dot blouse just to hide his tattoo
I said "What? My man? His name Roxanne?
Walkin' 'round town with a twitch in his can?
Naaahhhh, That's not my boy, I know I must be dreamin'
'Cause I know my homeboy used to be a real He-Man"
So you think Roxanne's really hot
But that's a Jheri-Curl wig to hide his bald spot
And if you look at his jeans, you will see a big lump
Don't you know Maybelline covers up razor bumps
She puts [?] is on the face and [?] on the eyes
And if you chisel off the makeup you will find a big surprise
You must be blind in one eye, and the other one glass
Gettin' all hot watchin Roxanne's...

[Chorus]
Roxanne, Roxanne
Don't you understand?
Roxanne, Roxanne

[Verse 3]
Yo, Educated Rapper, I think that you're dumb
'Cause you're rappin' to a man, and tryin' to get some
If you go, I'd rather you'd never fess
'Cause if ugly was a crime, they'd make an arrest
If I went, a-with her, I'd carry a gun
And a brand new pair of sneakers in case I had to run
You're not that smart and that's a fact
'Cause when I saw her, I knew she was wack
I told her she was ugly, her nickname should be Mugsy
The Addams Family, the fact she was Pugsley
Her chest is really hairy, her face is really scary
Lyin' to herself sayin' that she's got a cherry
She told [her captor/Captain?] Benny passed it off to Lenny
Lenny said BS and bet my man a twenty
He said "How could you prove it, unless you had to use it?"
And I know that can't be true 'cause ain't no way that she could lose it
Yo Benny Ben, you don't understand
If you bust it out, you bust in a man

[Chorus]
Roxanne, Roxanne
Don't you understand?
Roxanne, Roxanne

[Verse 4]
What about Kangol?
Forget about the dude they call Kangol
It sounds like a disease you catch between your toes
Let's talk about the man that calls himself the Doc
Tryin' to rap to the new girl on the block
You're not a doc, not even a quack
Trying to rap to something that looks like that
And if you were a doc, you'd be a vet
Talking to a girl who could be a house pet
Woof!

(Scruffy!
Here, Scruffy!)

[Verse 5]
If you had it all, you should be next to the posse
You could [know that all your ladies?] could be found
And these will be the treatments that you do
Roxanne can go and your other boy too
Dermatology is treatment of the skin
But that's not enough to help your friend
You need ugly-ology, stupid-ology
Skank analysis and scab surgery
And sissy homo-tosis, we be chopping off the meat
That's a special operation to change what you see
She said, "Mmm, that's what I need, child."
Gave him a number, said "Call me at three"
He called her at two because his collar was tight
And him and Roxanne hung out all night
Things turned out the way he planned
Maybe not for him, but maybe for Roxanne

[Chorus]
Roxanne, Roxanne
Don't you understand?
Roxanne, Roxanne

"What we gonna do now, child?"
B-b-beats so fresh, so do what you wanna
On the beatbox is Roxanne's grandmama
Ah yeah, get down granny
Funk it up
Yeah
Roxanne's a man
Yo granny, you wanna sing?