Round 4: ”I Have Written a Drama”, He Said Playfully

[Muhammad Ali]
I've been asked what will I do after I retire from the ring. Since I'm so dramatic and so theatrical, I will write for the theater. I will become Kentucky Clay! Now I would like to present a scene from one of my short poetic dramas. This play is very symbolic. The character named Cassius symbolizes me, and references greatness and beauty. The play is set in very old England. It is called "Much Ado About Cassius, Are the Lady Is Not For Bernie".

[Scene from the play]
⁠– Father, is not that the prime minister Aspartitteth?
– It is! You spy well, daughter! But oh, prime minister, what [?]
– You called me, your honest.
– Yes, it is I, king Alfred the Terrified. (Oh, terrified!)
What news of the terrible dragon?
– Sire, the dragon has dragooned again.
Last night, he vanquished our last knight!
– Alas, with no more knights left, is there no one who can stop the fire-breathing dragon?
– Oh, king daddy, there is one in the court who speaketh much of his desire to slay the dragon. He is but a youth, but he has already put down six dragons. (Oh, what a put-down!)
– Forsooth, that is more dragons than Smokey the Bear has extinguished!
– Tell me, daughter: this youth, uh, how is he called?
– One does but shout his name, and there he is!
– I know the youth, sire, the dragons he has defeated are but the small dragons from across the sea! Do you know the small dragons I speak of?
– Yes, they are the Volksdragons. But seriously though, folks:
I wouldst have words with this youth, page him!
– Send forth for Cassius of Clay!
– Send forth for Cassius of Clay!
– Send forth for Cassius of Clay!
– Sire, this is the youth.
– And so, thou art the stripling that wouldst kill the dragon?
– Not wouldst, but couldst!
– Goodest!
– Give me but leave to slay, and he'll breathe no fire at the end of day.
– Young sir, to arrive at the dragon one must cross the dangerous and treacherous moor. You willst need seven-league boots!
– I worry not of danger, I have actually crossed the moor.
I had no need for seven-league boots, I only needed four!
– I think this lad has a tongue in his mouth. With that tongue a sword, the dragon wouldst be holier than thou! What thinkest thou, daughter?
– Oh father, I lovest him. And when I think that he may fail to deliver us from the dragon, I quiver!
– Fair maid, do not quiver! I'll deliver! And I will return with young dragon's pate, when your sundial strikes the hour of eight!

And Cassius went forth across the moor... (oh, oh!)
And Cassius went fitth past the home of Henry the Cooper... (oh, no!) Oh yeah!
And as he walked upon the road, his thoughts were on the wedge. And he did not spy the dragon, belching fire and creating a s-
Meanwhile, back at the wench:

– Oh, king daddy, king daddy. Disaster has strucketh!
– What is the matterth?
– Clouds have obscured the sun. My sundial stopped. Who knows the hour, who?
(The little hand is on the eight — and the big hand is on the twelve)
– Thank you. (You're — welcome)
– Oh alas, lack, I fear great Cassius will not come back.
– Have no fear, daughter, for on the horizon I see the lad coming. And he's pulling a dragon!

(Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
After all his braggin', he's draggin' a dragon! Uh!)

– All hail, Cassius returning! He carries a pate that is no longer burning!
– He has slaineth the dragon! I will call it a day and make him a knight! Hehe... I dub thee Sir Cassius, and as further reward, I give thee my daughter's hand.
– Yoinks! You offer me your daughter's hand, and though some would claim it is the best of her, I must refuse. Please understand, unless you throw in the rest of her.
– The young knight is wise to speak thusly.
– And practical.
– And he's so handsome...
(Oh, mother told me there'd be [k]nights like this.)
– Sire, my thanks I give really, but may I speak freely?
– At some other time, as for now, continue in rhyme.
– I have slain the dragon, and that's that, sir.
But the reward I've received seems quite flat, sir.
– I resent that...
– It's not that I don't like your daughter, but I was hoping you'd give me your hat, sir.
– My crown? It weighs too much for thy young brow.
– Sire, don't think me a clown!
But it's just what I want, a heavyweight crown.
– If that's what you wisheth, it's yourseth.

Will Cassius put on the heavyweight crown?
Will Cassius wed the king's daughter?
Will Cassius be given a title?
Will Cassius be given a purse?
Will Cassius enjoy the esteem?
Will Cassius enjoy the success?
Don't tune in tomorrow, the answer is...

Yes! And I'm going to a greater glory yet!
I'm going to be my own poet laureate!
I am the greatest! You are the greatest!
I'm the end! The end! Shh... End! Shh-shh... It's the end! Shh...