Round 2: I Am the Double Greatest

[Bell rings]
I am the greatest! I'm the kid who will take old man Liston's title away. Me! A little ol' kid who don't even shave yet. I'm going to be champ of the world before I'm old enough to do my first shaving commercial. And I'm going to make boxing popular again. Me, with my beautiful, colorful personality. I'm going to make boxing interesting. Boxing doesn't have to be dull, it's the fighters who are dull. I watched the "Fight of the Week" on TV. They call that the "Fight of the Week"? It was so boring, every time the bell rang it woke up the referee.

It hurts me to say this, because I know a lot of fighters. And I like them! They are nice, gentle guys, who wouldn't hurt anybody, not even in the ring. And I'm going to bring back the excitement in boxing, I'm going to be the heavyweight champion of the world. And I won't be satisfied with that! After becoming champion of the world, I'm going to become champion of the universe! I want to take on those little green men from Venus. Those slick, shiny-headed green men. I can deck them, I won't be afraid of the way they look! After all, they can't look no worse than Sonny Liston!

Yes, America, I'm the resurrector of the fight game. I'm going to save boxing! I'm going to bring boxing back to life! Fighting was dull until I came along, because The Greatest wasn't around. But time brings about a change. As the Earth rotates around the Sun, a change takes place. There's spring, summer, fall and winter. Boxing was at the winter stage, but now the flowers are blooming, spring is coming, I am on the horizon!

Liston's fall will mark the arrival of spring! Yes, there's going to be a new champion. A champion you can tell your kids to be like. I'm a perfect guy for the kids. I'm good looking, clean living, cultured, and I am modest. I'm so modest, I can admit my own fault. My only fault is, I don't realize how great I really am! It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am. I'm the new frontier of boxing, and boxing must move ahead! I'm going to win the championship with vigor, that's-that's part of my physical fitness program. All Sonny's listeners got is a physical fatness program!

And with my vigor, I'm going to ask Congress to help Mr. Liston. I will ask them to pass a health bill, because after old Mr. Liston fights me, he's gonna need Medicare! And if I hit him in the mouth, he's going to need Dentacare! Yes, I'm going to move boxing ahead. I don't ask what boxing can do for me — I ask whan I can do for boxing!

Because I am great, I am the greatest! And I can even tell the truth about the future! To prove this point, I would like to read one of the many masterpieces I wrote this afternoon: "My prophecies" by Cassius Clay.

When Cassius says a fight will go five rounds
The bell for the sixth just never sounds
When I tangled with Archie, I predicted for
And that's all there was, there wasn't anymore
When they querried me about the coup of Bout
I answered with Shakespearean thrill
When they asked me what round I'll knock Henry out
I answered: Henry, the Fifth!

[Applause]