(Return to the Valley of) Out Come the Freaks

[Verse 1]
Eddie Harold used a tape recorder
When he had one of his girlfriends over
He didn't want to miss a single scream
His friends all laughed when he played it later
You had to wonder, did he really hate her?
Girls always made him nervous, that's to blame
And makin' love was just a crazy game

[Chorus]
Woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks, oh yeah
Woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks, oh yeah

[Verse 2]
In her apartment was a plastic altar
She'd light a candle when her courage faltered
Sometimes the world got a little hard to bear
It wasn't easy living in the city
She wasn't clever and she wasn't pretty
She chanted in the night but no one cared

[Chorus]
Woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks, mmm hmm
Woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks, oh yeah yeah

[Verse 3]
Freddie's wife became a topless dancer
Had bondage parties with a Turkish bouncer
She's been evicted, the police have got her car
She tried to sell an antique shotgun
She said she knows some crazy guy who wants one
Her parents said "You're not our daughter, you're a whore
It's over and you don't live here anymore"

[Chorus]
Woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks, oh yeah
Woodwork squeaks and "Strangers In The Night"
Woodwork squeaks and "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag"
We're talkin' 'bout
Woodwork squeaks and "Shadow of Your Smile"
Ooh, we're talkin' 'bout
Woodwork squeaks and "Take the Last Train To Clarksville"
Mmm, ahh, woodwork squeaks and out come the freaks, oh