REDUX

Okay, I've been awake for days
Thinking bout parties and plays
Forgot about my favorite tastes
I'd lick my lips but that's a waste
I keep experiencing different scenes about how my life can be
Losing sleep over the thought of knowing I'll be the death of me
I remember when I was young, the White boys all used to tell the teacher
My brownie skin was rubbin' off
I was some little dirty creature
But now it's strange to me to see these boys
Look up to spices like me
Look for a thicky Latina to break the pure white family tree
I could say that's it's ironic, and ask you, "Don't you think?"
But it don't matter anymore, I'm tryin to let that ship sink
Cause these times
I've been like a mime
Tryin break out of a box, I'm lookin for the signs
Cause if my life is a lie, and all that I write
Is just a waiting place for me to return to my drive
I wanna be right
But there's no end in sight
And everyday I'm livin' in spite
Of what my family wants me to be behind the mic
I know life ain't easy
It ain't breezy
It ain't pleasing
But for a minute
Can't there be some relieving
From the grieving of losin' passion for settlement
Just become sediment
No elegance
Irrelevance
Livin' life with distant relatives and shitty friends
Who say they'll be there till the end
But if you stray they won't defend
Your passionate energy
So buddy, give up on all ya dreams
Get that money, from mediocrity
To pay off ya 4 year degree
What's the point in life if you have to forget about the life you want
Life constantly tells you to try, but only shows you joy to taunt
So I can't just close my eyes and sleep and dream about the life cherish
I'm terrified that all these goals I have In 5 years time will vanish
Is there a reason to try
Or is life meant to be moderate
I guess I'll try not to cry
But tears flow just from the thought of it
I'll try to close my eyes for just a moment
To maybe find relief
Cause tomorrow I know I have to choose
How to hold my beliefs
How do I hold on?