Prologue: Frogs Have So Much Spring (The Spring Song)

[GORDON]
Frogs have so much spring within them
And--ugh, God
Frogs have so much spring within them
[Hums]

[RHODA]
Just play me what you have!

[LISA]
Hey, mister!
Hey, you!
Pennies or nickels or dimes
We live in perilous times

[GORDON]
Frogs have so much spring within them
Jump, frog, jump
Jump so high you split your tights-

[RHODA]
That bites!

[GORDON]
That bites, okay, just, uh. I-I've got something else, though. Hold on, here we go. Here we go, ready?

[Coughs and adjusts to higher pitch]

Frogs have so much spring within them
Jump, frog, jump
Lilypads are your next stop
...Kerplop
You missed the lilypad!

[RHODA]
It's really very bad

[GORDON]
No, ugh!

What the hell am I doing?
Who am I fooling?
Writing songs for frogs!
Those nasty gnats
They're nature's little acrobats
I hate them more than kitty-cats
Oh God no...

[RHODA]
Gordon! What the hell? I need this song!

[GORDON]
Sorry it's late, Rhoda

[RHODA]
You're always late

[GORDON]
I keep working on the "Spring" song
Is he angry that he doesn't have the "Spring" song yet?
I bet...

[RHODA]
No, he's angry that he doesn't have the "Yes" song

[GORDON]
I hate the Yes Song
I hate the Spring Song
I hate Mr. Bungee and this job
God, it's bad working on "Mr. Bungee's Lilypad"
He's taking up the brunt of my time

[RHODA]
It's called a job, and I'd like to keep mine

[GORDON]
I don't have time to write my real stuff
But I'd feel stuff

[RHODA]
You're a mess

[GORDON]
I can't express what I mean to convey
So of course I didn't write enough today!

[RHODA]
If you don't keep writing you'll be shown the door
You know Mr. Bungee hates you

[GORDON]
I hate Mr. Bungee!

[RHODA]
I think he hates you more!

[GORDON]
Why does Mr. Bungee hate me?

[RHODA]
First off, you've gotta finish one song

[GORDON]
Ugh

[RHODA]
You scoff! But damn it, write the "Spring" song!
Write the "Yes" song!
Don't let your career go to the dogs!

[GORDON]
As you can tell, I don't write well for frogs

[MR BUNGEE]
Mr. Bungee is aquatic and despotic
Mr. Bungee's oceanic and satanic
Mr. Bungee's said to be tyrannical at times
And Mr. Bungee always rhymes!

[GORDON]
I hate Mr. Bungee, Mr. Bungee's homophobic
I hate Bungee and his putrid little son
Bungee's in my face, he dominates, it's claustrophobic!
When I know my place, he gives me space to hate what I have done!
I hate Mr. Bungee, I hate Mr. Bungee!
W-wait, is Bungee here?

[RHODA]
Yeah, I'm sitting on his face right now
First write the song then next you'll write the epic
First kid's TV then next the Broadway shows
It's a rocky road from "Lilypad" to where you want to get to, dear
But Rhoda always knows

[GORDON]
Inside me I feel washed up and through

[RHODA]
Oh come on, Gordon!

[GORDON]
Writing this shit's killed my talent

[RHODA]
That's not true!

[GORDON]
And whatever's left to kill then Bungee will grind that down to squat
I used to be-

[RHODA]
You're still-

[GORDON]
I was-

[RHODA]
I don't agree!

[GORDON]
I once was but I'm not!

[RHODA]
Hey... hey, sit down

[GORDON]
Oh, my...
Something is wrong

[RHODA]
Gordon, are you okay?

[GORDON]
Something is wrong

[RHODA]
Gordon, you're scaring me

[GORDON]
Something is very, very, very wrong