Progress

[BILL]
If you looked at this town a few decades ago
You’d be appalled by the sheer lack of density
But this model before you shows a place on the grow
Where fast becoming an immense city

Between you and me
It’s a ripe opportunity
To invest in nothingless
Than des-tinyyyyy!

Awwwww, yeah!

There’s a porpoise spit casino -
And guys like you and me know
If you wanna make an omelette
You have to break some eggs

They didn’t want it here
But I gave the all clear
Now it’s the tallest bloody omelette in the southern hemisphere!
Done! I got it done!

Our new shopping mall
Used to be the old town hall
With a stupid statue!
We bulldozed the lot

The historical committee picked a fight
It wasn’t pretty
So I offered them shares -
They signed up on the spot
[HESLOP FAMILY]
Done! Ba ba da da ba ba ba ba ba dum
I got it done! Ba ba da da ba ba ba ba

[BILL]
When they say stop!
I say go!
When they say no
I say trow
And they say why
I say you can’t stop-

[ALL]
Progress!

[BILL]
I’m a believer in progress! [HESLOP FAMILY]
He’s a believer - yeah!
You can’t stop-

[ALL]
Progress!

[BILL]
A major achiever- [HESLOP FAMILY]
You never stop it! In pro-gress!
You never stop it!

[CHARLIE CHAN]
You know what they call this great man?
Bill the Battler

[BILL]
I've been battling all me life!

[CHARLIE CHAN]
Battling for Porpoise Spit!

[INVESTOR]
What's this building here?

[BILL]
Oh that building there!
That’s Porpoise Spit High School
Sadly not for sale

[INVESTOR]
Oh, would you recommend it?

[BILL]
It’s where all my kids attended

[INVESTOR]
Education is splendid

[BILL]
Well, all of them failed!

[HESLOP FAMILY]
Ba ba da da ba ba ba ba ba dum
Ba ba da da ba

[BILL]
Here's an example
Of a typical millennial
My daughter Muriel
Never gets it right!
Wants to be a secretary
I paid the tuition fee
10,000 dollars!
She still - can’t - type!

[MURIEL]
If I couldn't type
Then why did they give me my secretarial diploma?

[BILL]
Because I paid for it!
Now she just sits around like a dead weight!
Watching TV, sleeping all day and getting arrested at weddings!
You're useless
You’re all useless!
A useless bunch of no hopers!

Carparks!
Resorts!
Malls!
Casinos! [CHARLIE CHAN]
The Giant Prawn! Prawns, prawns!
The Fun Banana! Prawns, prawns!
The Big Chip! Prawns!
Sugar Cane Tower!

[BILL & CHARLIE CHAN]
I think big!

[DEIDRE CHAMBERS]
Big!

[BILL & CHARLIE CHAN]
I do it large!

[DEIDRE CHAMBERS]
Large!

[BILL, CHARLIE CHAN & DEIDRE CHAMBERS]
The things you can accomplish
When the grown ups are in charge!
Looking forward
Let’s push ahead!
Strap on the boots!
Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes!

[DEIDRE CHAMBERS]
(operatic solo)

[ALL]
Progress!

[BILL] [ALL except BILL]
I’m a believer in progress! He’s a believer in progress!

[ENSEMBLE]
He’s a believer - yeah!

[ALL]
You can’t stop progress!
A major achiever-

[BILL AND ENSEMBLE] [HESLOP FAMILY]
You’ll never stop it! In progress!
You’ll never stop it!

[ALL]
Progress!

[BILL] [ALL except BILL]
I’m a believer in progress! He’s a believer in progress!

[ENSEMBLE]
He’s a believer - yeah!

[ALL]
You can’t stop progress!

[BILL & DEIDRE CHAMBERS]
Like Jesus and Caesar!

[ALL]
You’ll never stop it!
You’ll never stop it!
You’ll never stop it!
You’ll never stop it!

[ALL except BILL]
Progress

[BILL]
You can’t stop

[ALL except BILL]
Progress

[BILL]
You can’t stop

[ALL except BILL]
Progress!

[BILL]
You can’t stop!

[ALL except BILL]
Progress

[BILL]
You can’t stop

[ALL]
Can’t stop
Can’t stop
Can’t stop
Can’t stop-

[BILL]
Me!