Police Interview

(Marylebone Police Station. An interview room. Inside are CHIEF INSPECTOR SAMUEL HERBERT, DETECTIVE SERGEANT JOHN DIGGS, and a series of interviewees.)

[HERBERT AND DIGGS]
You could be in trouble
If you don't help us out
You could be in prison
For a good long time

[DIGGS]
And now, we wanna talk about your favorite doctor!

[HERBERT]
How long he's been pimpin'?
What's that freak all about?

We know he's a criminal
But what's the crime?

[CHRISTINE]
I don't know
What you mean
Stephen is
Squeaky clean
I told you
All along
Stephen's done
Nothing wrong

[DIGGS]
We know he's a pervert
We've got him
Bang to rights
He's been on our radar
For a year or two

[HERBERT]
Don't be stupid, Christine
All of those steamy nights
Somebody was paying
To get into you

(A shift in scene: Now it's MANDY RICE-DAVIES sitting in front of the policemen.)

[DIGGS]
How're you copin', Mandy?
Got a nice roomy cell?
We can get you out
If you co-operate

[HERBERT]
We could leave you in here
If you refuse to tell
It's all up to you, love
To decide your fate

[MANDY]
First I get arrested at Heathrow
Then I'm carted off to Holloway
Then my bail is set two thousand quid
You'd think that I killed Doris Day!

Furthermore, they shaved my pubic hair
Do they do that for a parking fine?
All the prison warders are bull dykes
It's not an encouraging sign!

'Cause my payments are behind
On a TV I can't find
I've a little question for you, John
Tell me what the fuck's going on!

[DIGGS]
Let's get down to business
We need Ward facing court
You can give us evidence
You know you can!

[MANDY]
You mean, this is all about Stephen, is that what you're saying?

[HERBERT]
This Dr. Savundra
Wouldn't have left you short
What was Ward's percentage
From this wealthy man?

(A shift in scene to LUCKY GORDON, in the chair.)

[DIGGS]
Well, Ms. Keeler quite clearly stated that you assaulted her!

[HERBERT]
You bashed her, didn't you, Lucky, old son

[LUCKY]
I have done in the past, me won't tell you a lie. But this time, absolutely not, I swear, I'm innocent!

[DIGGS]
Now, we can help you out, Lucky
But we gonna need a little information

[HERBERT]
We're after Stephen Ward, sunshine
We know what he's done
We need verification

[DIGGS AND HERBERT]
If you won't talk, then believe us
We will definitely send you down for grievous

[DIGGS]
We're after him for procuring
He provides young girls for toffs and politicians

[HERBERT]
You must have known what he's up to
Did you help him to fulfill his dark ambitions?

[DIGGS AND HERBERT]
You got one chance, can't you see, man
Testify, and you walk out of here a free man!

(LUCKY faces them down, defiant.)

[LUCKY]
You're not going to get me to grass anybody up! I don't do that!

[DIGGS]
Your mate Edgecombe's just gone down for seven years! That what you want?

[LUCKY]
Go... fuck yourselves!

[HERBERT]
Ooh, bad decision, Lucky! See you in court

(A shift in scene to VICKIE BARRETT.)

[VICKIE]
Yes, Ward was my client
I went round twice a week
He liked me to whip him with a bamboo cane

[DIGGS]
That is useful, Vickie
But it needs a little tweak
Say it was his friends you had to entertain

[VICKIE]
It's not true
Why should I
Say that when
It's a lie?

[HERBERT]
'Cause otherwise, you will soon see
What a bastard I can be!

(He twists her ear.)

[VICKIE]
Ouch, you're hurting!
All right, I'll give in!
I'll say anything you like!
I can't win

[HERBERT]
If I say lie
Lie you will
Or goodbye
Notting Hill!

(A shift to the far more robust figure of RONNA RICARDO, a girl with dyed red hair, who stares contemptuously at the two policemen.)

[DIGGS AND HERBERT]
All you have to say is
That you slept with Ward's chums
And slipped him some money, Ronna
Then you're through

[RONNA]
Tossers!
You pair of tossers!
Half-witted double-crossers!
Can't trust you as far as I can throw you!
I've got something here I'd like to show you!

(She surges to her feet, lifts her skirt and lowers her underwear, to reveal, stenciled across her stomach, the words "ALL COPPERS ARE BASTARDS". She points at the words, spelling them out.)

All coppers are bastards!

(The policemen laugh.)

[HERBERT]
Sit down

(The quiet menace in his voice slightly takes the wind out of Ronna's sails. She sinks down.)

You're just not very smart
Even for an old tart

[DIGGS]
How is your baby boy?
Bet he's your pride and joy

[HERBERT]
How's your little sister?
It must be crowded there
She's still on probation
Your delinquent sis

How'd you like to see her
Taken back into care?
And we can take your baby
It's a piece of piss

(By now, Ronna is subdued. Tears begin to trickle down her face.)

[RONNA]
You wouldn't take my baby!

[HERBERT]
You give us a hard time, Ronna... you just watch us

(RONNA disappears, and the spotlight falls on an acutely uncomfortable BILL ASTOR. The policemen's manner is transformed into something deferential, bordering on obsequious.)

[HERBERT]
Good of you to find the time, Your Lordship
This should not detain us very long, sir
I hope we can
Speak man to man
It's got very messy since the shit has hit the fan

[DIGGS]
We need to know the women you have slept with
Their names and how much money you have paid them
Did Ward supply them?
Was he rewarded?
Did you pay Mandy's rent?

[DIGGS AND HERBERT]
We hate to put these questions to you
But
How much have you spent?

(ASTOR is looking at them aghast, his mouth open.)