On My Way to Hooterville (Pt. 1)

I don't make things up
I just make 'em rhyme
So no one will get hurt
Let's start with
"Once upon a time"

I did a concert in a quaint little theater
Next to a charming AirBnB
If I thanked them from the stage
I could stay for free

The people who had the room before me
Were a couple of cute newlyweds
Who loved each other madly
And loved the king size bed

Ooh king size bed, thank you

The owner said, "I'd bеt good money
You'll have sweet dreams tonight"
I did and thе next afternoon
I did what I thought was right
I stripped the bed to make it easy to prepare
For whoever stayed there next
But what fell out of the blankets and sheets
Left me perplexed

A blindfold, blue BVDs
Size XXXL
A skimpy baby doll nighty
Furry handcuffs as well
(What did I sleep on?)

I can't ask for a refund
'cause I never paid
What do I do with the remnants of
This newlywed love parade

I could pack 'em into my suitcase
Give airport security a thrill
When they go through my luggage
On my way to Hooterville

What did I sleep on?

I left those goodies all tangled up
In the blankets and sheets on the floor
I left the "Maid Service Requested" sign
Danglin' from the door

I left that night in an Uber
The driver said, "get in the front seat"
Did I mind if we stopped at a drive-thru
He was hungry, he had to eat

Then he leaned over looked me in the eye
And said "I can't see in the dark"
Riding shotgun with him
Was like taking a spin
In a dangerous amusement park

He confided that he had no money
And if I would I pay for the food
He'd give me a ride to the airport free
Well that put me in a mood

'Cause everybody knows
The Uber charge is automatic
But I had to let that on go
At the airport I told him drive only in daylight
He said "I know I know!"

I waved goodbye he put the car in gear
Disappeared into a dusty cloud
Checkin' me out in the rear view mirror
Crankin' Rush Limbaugh up loud

It's a brave new world where anyone
Can be a taxi or a AirBnB
Gonna think twice next time
I'm offered something free

Life can be one long journey
First up, then all downhill
But for me it's little adventures
On my way to Hooterville

What did I sleep on?
I can't see in the dark