Oh Actually

Kid 1:
"Hey, guys."
Kid 2:
"Hey, what's up?"
Kid 1:
"I just got off the phone with Damien, he broke his leg, he's not gonna be able to compete in this year's mathlete tournament."
Kid 3:
"Oh, fuck."
Kid 2:
"Aw... What are we gonna do?"
Kid 1:
"We gotta find a fourth member."
Kid 2:
"Who?"
Kid 1:
"I don't know."
Kid 2:
"What about That Guy?"
Kid 1:
"That Guy over there? You know, I've heard some good things about That Guy."
Kid 3:
"I heard That Guy fucks."

That Guy:
Oh, actually, I'm dumb as fuck
I'm in the twelfth grade and I still can't fuck
I'm stupid, no one talks to me
I'm in the twelfth grade and I still can't fuck

Damien:
"You got That Guy as my replacement?"
Kid 1:
"Yeah. Uh... what's the problem, he's supposed to be, like, super smart."
Damien:
"I used to hang out with That Guy, he had some kinda weird issues."
Kid 1:
"Like what?"
Damien:
"Like my dad, he just wanted to kick the shit out of him."

That Guy:
Oh, actually, you're kinda right
Your mom's real cool, but your dad ain't tight
He's old, and he fucks with me
Every time I come over, he tells me some dumb joke and I don't get it
So I stand at the front of the—at the door
And I'm trying to figure out what the fuck the joke meant
And now we're awkwardly standing there so you have to butt in and bail me out

And then we slowly walk to your room
Don't look your dad in the eyes
Won't look your dad in the eyes
Don't look your dad in the
Never look a dad, never look a dad
Never look a dad, never look a dad in the eyes
In the eyes
(What'd you say?)
Never look a dad, never look a dad, never look a
Never look a dad, never look a dad in the eyes
(Ok)
Don't look your dad in the eyes
(I won't)

I'm on a need-to-know basis
A need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?
Need-to-know basis
Need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?

Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum

Damien:
"Hey, this is Damien, I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message. Unless it's That Guy, in which case, don't leave anything. Stop calling me."

That Guy:
Oh, actually, you wanna fight?
Shit, okay, parking lot tonight
I'll bring my boys with me, you bring your dad with you
And all us are gonna fuckin' go at it, bitch
I'm gonna beat the shit out of your dad
And make you watch as he watches you cry
'Cause we're all gonna be kicking your dad's ass

Kid 1:
"Dude, where are you? We were supposed to meet up at my house to study. I sent you the practice problems, just do them. Please. Please focus, you're supposed to be smart. And you better not be working on that fucking need-to-know basis song."

That Guy:
I'm on a need-to-know basis
A need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?
Need-to-know basis
Need-to-know basis
I'm on a need-to-know basis
Do you know my bassist?

Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum
Bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum, bwum

Damien's dad:
"Alright. The final problem has just been posted. Currently holding the lead is P. Montine, followed by Valley and Jefferson High. Last place is Godwin High. As you know, my son Damien could not compete, 'cause he just broke his leg."
Kid 2:
"Dude, what is the matter with you? You haven't gotten a single problem—"
That Guy:
"Shut the fuck—fuck you. And fuck your shitty dad."
Kid 2:
"That's not my dad, that's Damien's dad!"
Damien's dad:
"Alright, 30 seconds left."
Kid 2:
"Stop staring at him. What are you doing?"
That Guy:
"Fuck, I looked him in the eye. God dammit, I'm about to lose it."
Damien's dad:
"Hi, about to lose it. I'm Damien's dad."
That Guy:
"Noooo!"