No Reason Boner

[Spoken Intro]
This song is about a problem that I have
Frequently

[Verse 1]
There are three, three, three kinds of erections
Some are sexual, some occur during
Periods of nervous tension
But there's a mysterious third kind
That no one really understands
It happens when your shlong decides
To take matters into its own hands

[Chorus]
No reason boner
No reason boner
It baffles scientists
No reason boner

[Verse 2]
This morning, I was having breakfast
At the Midtown diner
The bagel was delicious
And the coleslaw couldn't be finer
Got a weird look from the waitress
When I asked her for the check
I looked down and realized
I was one hundred percent erect

[Chorus]
No reason boner
No reason boner
I like coleslaw but not that much
No reason boner

[Skit 1]
[Mailman] Hi! Welcome to the post office
[Danny] Thanks! I just need to mail this package
[Mailman] No problem, just place it on the scale
[Danny] Sure thing!
Oh! Oh god! I, I can't right now!
[Mailman] Why not?
[Danny] I, I have to go. I have a, uh, doctor's appointment at the dentist's!

[Verse 3]
Now, things are a little awkward
Between my mailman and I
That was not my best lie
I was just covering up for my

[Chorus]
No reason boner
No reason boner
That was the wrong kind of package to mail
No reason boner

[Skit 2]
[Zookeeper] Hi! Welcome to the zoo!
[Danny] Great! I love the zoo! Look at all those monkeys!
[Zookeeper] Actually, those technically aren't monkeys, they're macaques
[Danny] Wow! Macaque's really hairy!
Uh, so, what time does the zoo close?
[Zookeeper] About eight o'clock
[Danny] Great! That gives me a chance t-- Oh god
Oh, not- not now! Not in front of the children!
Why have you forsaken me, lord!?

[Bridge]
This is no laughing matter
This is not some kind of game
I can tuck away my Johnson
But I can never tuck away the shame
It can happen anytime
It can happen anywhere
When the Loch Ness Monster
Decides he wants to randomly come up for air

[Chorus]
No reason boner, oh!
No reason boner
You're ruining my life
No reason boner

[Outro]
No reason boner
No reason boner
Why?
Boner