Next to You

[Verse 1]
We'd been friends for many years
Until I finally confessed
That I've always loved you dearly
But you were unimpressed

If I can never be your lover
I'll accept our destiny
And I'll embrace your gift of friendship
As I jack off constantly

[Chorus]
Oh, I'll be there to lift you when you fall
With one arm around your shoulder and the other on my balls
Oh, if you need me, you just have to call
Cause I'll be next to you
Masturbating

[Verse 2]
1, 2, 3, let's do it!
Through the good times and the bad
I will do everything I can
Like, if you ever need help moving
I can jerk off in the van

If your car breaks on the road
I'll grab my crank and pick you up
And we can drive away together
As I lotion up my junk

[Chorus]
Oh, it doesn't matter where our lives will lead us
I will always stand beside you, both in spirit and in penis
Oh, excuse me but I have to go dry clean this
Cause I've been next to you
Masturbating

[Bridge]
Look, I know this may seem weird, but it's not
Every friendship I've ever had has been like this
You should know that I'm not doing this for myself
It's partly for you, but most of all, I'm doing this
For America!

[Chorus]
Oh, tell me everything that's in your heart
This is Claire, we're gonna make out
You just go ahead and start
If it escalates to boning
It means I'm listening super hard
Cause I'll be next to you (Hoo, ooh)

Oh, wait, Claire brought a friend
We're gonna have a threesome
And a crowd of people's gathered
To watch me bang both her and Lisa
Oh, when this is done, you and I are getting pizza
Cause I'll be next to you
Masturbating

Slash having a threesome with Claire
But still masturbating